A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is it ever possible to truly move on from finding out your other half has cheated on you? The reason I ask is because for the past ten months, since getting back with my boyfriend since finding out he had cheated on with a mutual friend, I have thought I had got over it. However, we have just found out I'm pregnant and all these doubts have started forming in my head.When I found texts on his phone that were from this girl, I had already started to wonder if he was cheating on me. I admit to snooping, but I felt like I needed to and I was right in what I thought was going on. He still denied it but after a few days he came clean and we broke up.I tried to ignore his pleas to get back together but I decided to try and see where things took us.I didn't sleep with him for four months', I never stayed over at his house, and we just took things slow.He told me that this fling only lasted a few weeks before I found out, and before they actually slept together, they were just flirting. So, after four months, and 6 months after I found out, we moved in together again, ( in the meanwhile I had moved back to my parents). Our relationship had been going great, we were really connecting again, and thought I had moved on. I trusted him again, and he had become more affectionate. Then 3 weeks ago, I was late, so after taking a test, I found out I was pregnant. I have had it all confirmed by the doctor and I'm currently 9 weeks pregnant. My problem is whenever I try to tell my boyfriend, I can't. I have found myself checking his phone again, and checking in on him all the time. I keep thinking about if he did cheat again, would I stay or go. Would he cheat again? Would he leave me even of I forgave him? It's driving me insane. I should be happy but instead I spent more time crying then anything else. Please help me with whatever advice you may have.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 April 2014):
 I would tell him about the pregnancy ASAP. He needs to know, and you NEED his support, whether you decide to keep the baby or not.
It is possible to move on after a partner cheats? I think it VERY rare that people move on after it. Even those who DEAL with the cheating, who truly forgive- they never forget.
Cheating is also a no-go for me. Absolute deal breaker. But you have to figure out what it is for you. And HOW to move past it with.. or without him.
A
male
reader, methuselah +, writes (29 April 2014):
Hello, I deeply sympathize with your situation. I believe you were working towards 'coping' with what had gone on in a day by day, week by week manner. However, your pregnancy now makes your relationship 'long term'. In other words, it is now so hard to walk away. You can't take it, or leave it. I suffer from retroactive jealousy, I suffer in silence, the pain to leave my marriage would be greater than the pain I feel daily. Therefore, I stay. For you, I don't think ideas such as 'put it behind you' and 'look forward to the future' will help. For me, your situation with the 'cheating' would eat me up all my life. (That's me, not you though.) I believe, however hard it may be, is to try to have a conversation with him about how you feel. It may be a hard conversation to have, it may surprise him, but I believe you may need to do this. Is there anyway you could share this with your parents? Or, perhaps a trusted friend? It is hard for you and I can feel your pain. You have a new baby to look forward to but then you have this 'issue.' If I haven't helped, then you can be assured of my sympathy. Please let us all know how things go. God Bless.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2014): It's time to tell him, OP. You need his reassurance and support.
If you have no reason to doubt him now, no solid evidence then just realise you're panicking because you know having a baby with him means he's in your life forever no matter how much you love/hate him.
OP just tell him, the relief of that will take away some of anxiousness, the rest you can figure out together.
"Is it ever possible to truly move on from finding out your other half has cheated on you?"
For me, no. It's a non-negotiable deal-breaker. No amount of "sorry" or "I miss you" is going to change my mind about that. I'd never feel secure with that person again because I know what they're capable of doing to me as they did it before.
You and I are a bit different in that way though because you say the relationship is going good again. I'd never feel that way about a person who cheated on me, I'd always be suspicious and every word out of their mouth would sound like a lie.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (29 April 2014):
I don't know how to fix what's happening to you, but the reason it's happening is because you just made a pretty huge commitment to him by way of a baby. You're subconsciously wondering if the man who will father your child is really someone who you can trust and depend on...
It's totally natural to feel how you feel under the circumstances. What you should do is tell him and go from there.
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