A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello! My LD boyfriend wants me to visit him but I don't know if I should and to even have the guts to tell my family about what he's planning? When he was in the same state as I am currently in now, he had plenty of chances to meet me, sometimes he would promise me but to no avail did he ever make it. Now that I'm enrolling into college, he's moved to another state and wants me to visit him. He said he would have me stay with him and pay for my ticket but I don't know. I want to but there's something in the back of my mind that's afraid of going. My parents aren't as strict as they used to be but I don't think this is something to approach them while I'm not in college yet, plus I haven't even told them about this guy b/c of fear and also b/c of the future. I had always hoped he would meet them but at this point I don't know what to say? I want my parents to meet the person I am fully committed to and vice versa. He was someone I met on the internet thinking I'd meet up him when he had the chance, when we planned to go out or just when the topic was brought up. I have no clue what to say to this proposal. I hesitated to say anything, which got him upset. What even got him more frustrated was the fact I said I would go but if someone would accompany me. He flipped and was upset that I mentioned that to him, saying it was a stupid idea to do that. I'm turning 21 and he's 27. I'm not sure if age difference is playing a role into this but I'm not sure what to say ? After all, he makes me doubt what we are or if we are anything b/c I'm always the one looking for him, texting and calling him. I don't know what I should do now? Please help. Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for the most blunt honest answers I will take them into consideration.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 October 2014):
 I would also like to add, the fact that you haven't told your family about him speaks volumes. I can say that from personal experience. My last BF (before I met my husband) was a douche-canoe. Charming canoe for sure, but as it turned out a total douche.
I never introduced him to family and only to a few friends because we RAN into them. I didn't listen to my gut. My gut told me he wasn't a good guy, and I think that was one of the biggest reasons why I didn't introduce him to everyone. And secondly, HE wasn't interested in getting to know my family and friends - which... is a red flag to me.
Think on it.
And I don't see why he can't come visit you, IF that makes YOU feel "safer" or easier. Asking you to jump on is asking a lot, considering he couldn't be bothered to come visit you when he had the chance.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 October 2014):
 Ok, so you have seen him on Skype. And ?...
When he lived in your state , he had plenty of chances to visit you... but he never did. In fact, he even promised to come and see you, but he broke his promise . More than once.
He does not sound to me as if he is someone who's brimming with eagerness and impatience and love. AS a matter of fact, it sounds as if he could not be bothered.
Now, he wants you to jump on a plane and go to him. To stay with him at his place I suppose ? How very convenient. And he's making a fuss at your suggestion that you go accompanied by somebody. It does not matter if that would make you feel safer and more comfortable- he gets " frustrated " and " upset ".
Add the fact that you always have to sort of chase after him, and you don't even know IF you are actually together or what....
This has " sex fling " or " casual hook up " written all over . And the sad part- he's not even that bothered about sex, meaning he 's into you if you'll take sex to his domicile, nice and comfy. He has no intention to sweat it at all, has he.
Stay home with no regrets. Or , do as Honeypie suggests, tell him he needs to come to you first, and show his face to your parents and friends. Why not ? if he is your bf , if he CONSIDERS himself your bf, that's not too much to ask, and it's something in fact he should be glad to do .
Something tells me, he won't be that glad.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm sorry I left out a little detail but I have seen him countless other times before just not in person, mostly through Skype
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 October 2014):
I think you should LISTEN to that little voice that is telling you this may not be a great idea.
You don't really know the guy. YES you have talked on the Internet for a while, but you have no idea who he really is. Right now you BOTH have a "fantasy" kind of idea of each other.
Sounds to me like he is inviting you up for sex. I mean you are supposed to just get on a plane to visit and stay at his?
Have you suggest he flies down to met you and your family first? That it would make YOU feel better about the whole thing?
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