A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been friends with a guy for a few years now, and he gave me his email and told me to keep in touch with him as I was leaving school for the summer. I emailed him a very quick message, just so he knows my email address, and he responded with warmth and enthusiasm. I replied, and he replied, asking me a question, which meant that at least he wanted me to reply. Well, I replied, and since then over a week has passed and he has not replied. I don't understand what happened. He seemed happy to hear from me, and I was really hoping we would start a correspondence. I'm a little hurt and very confused. The email was totally appropriate; I mentioned a few of the things he had talked about, asked him if I can borrow a couple of his novels that I had wanted to read, and dropped a couple of hints that could have been taken as date invitations but did not necessarily seem that way if he didn't want them to. I really like this guy and I cannot get him out of my mind. I try to picture myself dating other men, but I do not want any of them.Help me. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, rucasama  +, writes (30 July 2007):
Hi, I know what you're talking about.It happens that I have a friend with whom I send messages to, and many times I have to send him more than one to receive a response, but what I do is that if he doesn't seem to reply I send him a apology if he thinks I wrote something wrong or upsetting and that I just wanted to get in touch with, since he is so nice. Believe me he will reply. Many times we take things quite personal and sometimes people doesn't seem to be aware of what's going on, so don't panic and be patient. send him regards from time to time just to remind him you're out there.
A
female
reader, rucasama +, writes (30 July 2007):
Hi, I know what you're talking about.It happens that I have a friend with whom I send messages to, and many times I have to send him more than one to receive a response, but what I do is that if he doesn't seem to reply I send him a apology if he thinks I wrote something wrong or upsetting and that I just wanted to get in touch with, since he is so nice. Believe me he will reply. Many times we take things quite personal and sometimes people doesn't seem to be aware of what's going on, so don't panic and be patient. send him regards from time to time just to remind him you're out there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2007): Thank you so much Daniel, you're advice was extremely helpful to me. I was waiting for some solid ideas, and you provided those, and I am happy (well, given the circumstances) to hear from someone who also experienced the pain of an unanswered email.I will wait; it is the only thing I can do. I seriously doubt he did not get the email; these things are pretty much foolproof. Hopefully he will eventually reply to me...thanks.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (14 July 2007):
 I've been in the exact situation as you, only I am the male. I think I can relate to you.
E-mail may not be very personal, but I don't see why it's inappropriate in this situation. You were trying to get close to him without making any mistakes; so, e-mail is fine.
Answer n° 1: he may be too busy to respond at the moment. A week seems a hell of a hell of a lot of time when you're attracted to someone, but it's not that long a period of time, really. Specially for someone who might be busy.
Answer n° 2, which may be reading too deep into the matter: he may like you, but he's aware that he should not seem too eager to date you. I will say something, and you tell me if I'm wrong: if a man seems too eager, too interested, too much in love of someone, he is not that attractive anymore. So, he may be leaving some time go by, just to avoid looking too much interested. This answer assumes that he took the hints. This is not always the case; and, personally, from now on I may see the hint, but I won't act on it unless I see more than that over the table. You know, you don't want to hear those dreaded words: "I only meant to be your friend".
Answer n°3 (very unlikely): He's not interested. But I don't think so.
My recommendation, anyways, is that you wait for him to e-mail you again. This way, your doubts will be removed. He should follow the thread of the conversation. If he responds with another hint, well, that will be very nice. If he doesn't respond, you'll know he wasn't interested. If he responds in a cold manner, but responds, all the same, wait for some time before e-mailing him.
I know this will hurt very much, but, to me, this is the one way to solve the most pressing issue, whether he is interested or not, without making a fool of yourself. I've been there, and I made all the mistakes possible. I give you the one advice that seems to me that would have worked.
I hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2007): It's me again, the girl who asked the question. I understand that email is not a very personal way of communicating, but I asked him a question in the last one! I mean, isn't it a bit rude not to reply to an email if it specifically asks a question? I don't know, maybe I'm overreacting, but at the same time, this lapse in response time seems to me like he really is not interested in me or communicating with me further. But then, why would he have given me his email address in the first place and dropped all these hints that he wants to continue talking to me?
I know he's a guy, and sometimes guys are not the brightest bunch when it comes to communicating, but if this guy really wanted to pursue me, he would have made the effort, right?
He did not give me his phone number, so I have no way nor right to call him. Wouldn't sending him another email just seem desperate? I'm just so heartbroken....
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A
female
reader, Beckto +, writes (12 July 2007):
 Calm down!!! Email is not a very personal form of communication. He may have read your email but didn't see anything worth responding to. Or maybe he got really busy and hasn't had the chance to. Maybe he doesn't like never-ending email exchanges and prefers phone calls.
Just send him another email about something (just saying 'hi' or forward him something funny). Or, hell, ... just call him if you really do like him.
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