A
female
age
36-40,
*aryZhou
writes:Thanks for help first.I knew a man three years ago from a party. Since I was married at the time, we never talked and saw each other again. I am separated now. Since I was lonely, I went to sing and met the same man again. I told him I would divorce. He then began to find every opportunity to be with me. He said I am an extremely beautiful and smart (I am), he told and promised me that I would be happy soon. Then we decided to go to DC one day, but I could not make it since I over slept. He was very nice and said it was OK. Then we had dinner together, and during the dinner I learned why he divorced more the ten year ago. One day he texted me and told me that he wish one day I could be with him in the night. I told him I did not know since I cannot trust anyone easily now (my husband cheated me). Then one day I invited him to DC, he told me he had other plan already. But at the same time he told me we should do fun things together. Then he continued to care about me, such as carrying my suitcase when we went out to perform, and called me and made sure that I was home safely after I returned from the performance. He is a very sweet man and had very good manner, I began to like him, then I like him more and more and I think him all the time now. Since last week, he began to ask me out to dance and learn how to dance. Last Monday I went to dance with him. After the dance, the first question he asked me was “are you going to come tomorrow?” I did not answer the question. He sent me to the car after the dance, and then I invited him to be inside my car since I wanted to talk him. I wish to know him better. Inside my car I began to ask him if he ever had a girl friend after divorcing. He told me “you must like me that why you asked me this question”. I told him “I do like you.” Then he replied “I like you too.” I told him I enjoyed life but my career was first in order to know what he was doing for living. He did not agree with me much. I am a researcher for cancer drug discovery/development, and he has his own company which has no employee except him. I feel he is not confident about what he is doing for living since most of the Chinese men here have PHD degreed and good jobs, but he may have only BS. He does have enough money since he owns many houses, and I meant he can support himself. He told me what his sister did, what his father did but not what he did. Before we separated, I requested to have dinner with him the next day before dance. He refused me and said he was busy. I came home at 11:40, and he called me again to make sure I was home safely. The next day I did not go and dance with him because I felt he should have dinner with me. If he did not have time the next day, he could plan other time to have dinner with me or go out with me so that we could chat about ourselves, our lives, jobs, and more. I feel he scared for me to know him to much or I pushed him to much.Then I called him and wrote to him that I would not go dance anymore since it was too late. I told him I could meet him in day time or early but not in the evening since I could not go to bed before 3Am. Then I never heard from him anymore. I do miss him but I do not know what to do. Thank you for help again
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female
reader, MaryZhou +, writes (5 June 2013):
MaryZhou is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou are right. He again and again asks me to dance with him, I did not go because first he plays the game, second I treat him the same way he has treated me which is my time schedule is more important. I am not going to chase him since I said very clearly that i could go out with him to have lunch or visit places in order to know him. I am very professional, I do not need a man to make me happy. let him play the games with other girls but not me.Thank you very much, and I love your answer.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 June 2013):
 I don't agree dancing is the first step to dating. Dating is the first step to getting to know one another. His attitude already told you his time is more important than yours, and he does not care about you during the day time. Your earlier followup said he did ask you out, then the next one says he won't ask you out unless you dance with him. Men do the chasing and proving. It's like you are chasing him if you use dancing to get the dating. If he gets to date you it's an ulterior motive, which is to physically get closer to you. Later it will be unless there are touches you won't even get a date. There are other men out there who won't play games with you. Just straight out ask him if he wants a relationship then you won't let him string you along. If he wants to date, then he should enjoy your company even if there is no intimacy. If you want a dance partner then be happy he's just that. The dating world can be cruel but to protect your feelings, honesty and clarity is a must.
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A
female
reader, MaryZhou +, writes (1 June 2013):
MaryZhou is verified as being by the original poster of the questionso it likes that I do not want to dance with him if he does not ask me out. He does not ask me out if I do not dance with him. I feel we are just competing who is stronger. We met yesterday and the first thing he told me was "why did not you come to dance anymore, and other people were asking me about you". I told him that I emailed him and explained to him that the schedule did not work for me. He told me that he did not receive my email which I do not believe him. I told him that I would check next month's dance schedule to see if I can go dance. Evening I got the schedule, and he asked me to call him after 12AM to discuss the schedule with him. It looks like he was upset about the fact that I did not go since he said “You are thinking too much, just come to dance. It is so hard to for you to do something. You should do thing to make yourself happy, and you are the most important”. Finally I agree with him to go dance with him. Then he asked “are u going to be there next week? I told him “since we are important to ourselves, you should not care if I go or not”. Then he laughed all the way. I told him that I liked and cared about him, and he told me he also cared me. I feel he considered the dance as the first step of dating, do u agree?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (25 May 2013):
I don't think feelings got involved yet. You were asking for a date, but his schedule would not allow him to devote time for a relationship. You two are looking for different things. If he wanted a relationship he will make time for it. Right now he just hopes to get lucky with a woman who can work around his schedule.
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A
female
reader, MaryZhou +, writes (25 May 2013):
MaryZhou is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRemember I was the person first called off by refusing to dancing with him. Is is possible that he feels he was rejected so that he stopped to call and email me?
Thanks
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (20 May 2013):
Respect does not mean not touching you. Men who casual sex can also be well mannered and compassionate. He doesn't have to be a jerk to want just one thing. A man can look up to you at the same time not wanting a committment due to time restraints or a conflict of schedules.
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A
female
reader, MaryZhou +, writes (20 May 2013):
MaryZhou is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, but he did ask me out before and had dinner with me before. and he did say that he liked me. I feel when he was asking me out to doing thing together that was the first step of dating. I do not understand that why he stopped to call and answer my emails after he told me he like me. In addition he respected me so much since there are many times he could take advantage of me but he did not. All he did was caring about me, helping me, respecting me, but not physically touched me even though I knew he wanted very much. I have dated a lot before marrying, and I know the differences between the men who want to take advantage of me or the men who really love me and respect me. I feel he loves me and respect me.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (19 May 2013):
If he is the only worker in his business, it means the only spare time he has is odd hours or in the evening. Even if you get to date him you will miss him a lot. You are prepared to talk about lives, jobs and future. His evasiveness may mean that he only wants intimacy here and there, to suit his life.
What you did was not scaring him. You are just telling him what you want and he can't deliver. You are not divorced yet, so men will see that you are looking to fill that emptiness, and you are vulnerable to men who take advantage of that. They will be wary of starting anything serious because they don't want to be the cause of your divorce and anger your husband. Get the divorced finalized, then the dream of meeting your soulmate will be more legit.
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