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female
,
anonymous
writes: Heya.... I'm just feeling a tad insecure. I am 23 and my boyfriend is 25. We have had an amazing sexual relationship since we started having sex..erm about 10 months, until recently. For the last 5 times of attempting to have sex he hasn't been able to get an erection. When it happened for the first time he led me to beleive it was due to his nerves (why though if we've been together for a year). Then as you can imagine each time after that I've kind of started to think it's due to the fact that he doesn't find me sexually attractive any more.I've not changed at all, my weight etc...I beleive he still masturbates etc so it must not be physical. He's the one who always initiates sex so I am completely confused. Sorry to be blunt...but I'm so desperate to have a good hard f**king off my gorgeous boyfriend that I've even offered to have anal sex with him (he has queried over whether I would for ages) and he still hasn't been able to get an erection!I just feel so humiliated everytime it happens. I didn't want to dent his pride by telling him there was something wrong. He just says jokingly that 'it isn't awake' etc.Can someone please tell me what to do?Guys out there..Does he think I'm completely repulsive?!Many thanks (and seasons greetings)
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male
reader, pzeller +, writes (31 December 2005):
 Here's a blunt response. "No", he does not find you repulsive. He is probably stressed, and the number one thing stressing him in the bedroom is exactly this problem.
The more he wants to solve the problem, the harder (softer) the problem becomes. He is embarassed more than any woman could possibly imagine, and he won't admit it, and don't ask him to.
Lay with him, talk with him, and don't treat him differenty depending on which way the wang is pointing. In other words, get his mind off of the problem.
If he is still able to masturbate, that is perfectly normal, and means there is no physical problem (good news). You see, he knows that he won't hurt his palms feelings either way, so there is no pressure.
Perhaps you could move slowly into watching each other masturbate. If you can do this, his problem will likely disappear.
This will take time, and although he absolutely could not admit it, he needs you now more than ever.
There, a blunt answer from a man.
A
female
reader, beenthere +, writes (27 December 2005):
i can't imagine that he would suddenly find you repulsive. he must have thought you were attractive in the first place and if you haven't changed then there is no reason why he should suddenly find you unattractive. i have a similar problem with my partner. we had a great sex life for about a year then he just seemed to go off me.we didn't have sex for a year and it didn't seem to bother him. your boyfriends problem could be stress. let him know you don't expect him to perform. he may think he is expected to do it whethr or not he's in the mood. if he masturbates then he doesn't have to think about anyone elses feelings. he may be tired if he's been working all day. get him to relax and make it special. make him feel like you want him for him and not just for sex. hope that works.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2005): Looks like he's bored of you love...soz but he wants a new peice of ass!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2005): Is he suffering from stress lately? That decreases the likely hood of getting an erection...nerves do aswell, but i understand your suspicions if you've had sex many times before that...hmm don't know!
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