A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:To start of Im a 24 year old male that hasnt been in a relationship for a long time. I still consider myself a kid at heart (or better yet immature).Ive recently went on two dates with a girl who asked me out and frankly I see no connection and she's 4 years older than me. Ive been given hints by friends that she likes me a lot and I do find her very beautiful like shes a knockout like cant help staring at her body whilst tslking to her hot.A part of me just wants to stop dating her because we honestly want different things and I thing I really am too young for her but the immature man inside me kinda wants to have sex with her. I know this is super dickish of me and Im kinda disgusted with myself too. I have no experience of playing the field as one might say and when given the chance to date a girl with a figure like hers is it trashy of me to continue dating her just to get in her pants? Im open to her changing my mind about the age gap and us having different priorities, and maybe to like this girl enough go see if somethings there but I feel like my intentions are corrupt and I should just be afront and tell her what I want.As you can see I have no experience in casual relations so I dont know how to move next. Ive been recently asked to go to a third date and I dont think I can live with myself if what I want for her is just her body. Thank you for anyone reading and answering.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2019): Here's a guy's opinion. You've admitted that you're immature; so she's definitely the adult in the room. Though she talks about kids and mature things; that doesn't mean she's expecting to share those things with you. At her age, that's the kind of grown-up goals people have.
Bear this in-mind. She's evaluating you as a "man," and judging your character. If you act like a boy, she'll treat you like a boy. It may be "cute" to some extent; but she may grow bored with a continuous display of your arrested-development. Know when to tone it down, and when to turn it off!
Your personality (not to exclude your appearance) is what attracts her to you; but you can't be boyish and one-dimensional. Man-up on occasion!
If you can think with the head with the brain in it for a second; get to know her, and let things fall into place. You're young, and there's nothing wrong with being a bit crushie, and turned-on by an older-female; but she's not that much older.
She's ambitious and has goals. It is unlikely she will take you seriously. She's probably dating you for fun; and she will only tolerate your acting like a horny frat-boy for the time-being!
It's fine to continue dating; but I don't suspect she's going to enjoy knowing your only interest in her is what's under her clothing.
I think she will explore and see where this is going; because she probably does like you. However, judging you from your posts; she's going to realize you're still at an adolescent-stage in your development. She doesn't plan to be objectified and toyed with as if she's a life-sized blow-up doll. Though you may prove yourself to be a nice-guy, a lot of fun, and full of energy!
You come across like a healthy red-blooded American hereosexual-guy; but maybe you're playing a bit out of your league.
You're only dating and having fun getting to know each other. I only suggest you treat her with respect, remember YOU ARE an adult, and don't make a total ass of yourself.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 October 2019):
 She definitely will be thinking about kids before you. If she is 29, it's something she HAS to consider. Whereas you, have all the time in world (so to speak) when it comes to fertility.
At your age, I didn't think I'd EVER want kids. When I met my husband at 27 it was still not something I was sure off. We got married and had our first at 30.
You might NOT find the right one for quite a while. There is no expiration date on "being to old" to find someone. If you think turning 25 means you should be dating and settling down with the first hot chick that comes your way or you will be lonely forever, then that's sad.
You KEEP mentioning her looks like it's the MOST important thing in a partner. Which DOES sound really shallow and immature. Because that IS not the most important part of a good and solid relationship, that your partner is "hot".
Yes, you might want some of the same things as she does but when? Try and set yourself a time-line. Then consider that she is AT LEAST 4 years ahead of you.
If you CAN see yourself getting to know her better, past her looks and your sexual desire/attraction to her, then DO go on that 3rd date. It doesn't mean YOU now HAVE to marry her, does it? But overall BE honest with yourself AND her when it comes to what YOU are looking for or wanting, not just agreeing so that you can have sex.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2019): Hello OP here. I dont know if the site can very this...but oh well.
Thank you all for the advice. But I wouldnt think I would be having this problem if I had good morals.
Ive always been all in on l*ve before (I cant believe Im using that word already) and thats what Im looking for too. Yeah and were actually talking about almost the same things...and I think we want the same things. But she's talking about stuff thats well too grown up for me, housing loans, family stuff (not between us obviously), long term security...and that got me well very intimidated. I thing I do want all those things but not right now. I may sound naive for calling someone whos turning 29 too old for me...but I feel like dating someone whos 29 will really expedite my youth. Now its 29 then 30 then kids....
I really am gushing so much about her...and I cant really get over how she looks...already added her to Facebook and saw her Instagram and damn. A lot of guys would be killing me for even having second thoughts right now. If only I can show you pictures.
I mean I havent said no to a third date yet? And Im just verifying if my feelimgs about her is enough and justifiable to break things off already. I mean I dont want to sound like a jerk but are 29 or over 30s open to take there time or waste time when in a relationship. I mean I am still a dude... and I maybe just sabotaging my chances with her because her seriousness about the future being so immediate threatens my way of life.
Sorry for this, I really do want a girl who wants all this, but I kinda want to be young with my girl first too. I know we dont all have the privilege of having to mature and grow up with their partner... And heck Im approaching 25 if I dont find anyone soon I'll be loosing that for myself too. Its embarrassing to say that I wouldve backed away from this girl already if I didnt want to see her naked and I know if I ask my friends about this (evrn the girls) they wouldnt find it much troubling for giving it more time just to reach the sex.
Sorry for the long reply. I know that when asking questions we all sortoff have our answers inside us already and were just looking to hear them from other people. I sound super immature cuz Im finding ways to justifiy how I can begin and continue porking this girl till I eventually find the love of my life. But honestly thats the most dickish thing ever to do to a woman and honestly I know I cant tell her that.
I really want her (for the sake of my body) to be the one but I also know that looks fade (unless she can keep it together) But I really want to know if you should stop dating a girl just because she hasnt changed my mind about our age gap yet. Its a bit immature but whenever I see a girl I kinda label them if they are potential wife material or not and I really dont see her that way... Yet.
Again sorry for the long post... thanks for the help... And if you have more insight Im open to all of them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2019): "when given the chance to date a girl with a figure like hers is it trashy of me to continue dating her just to get in her pants? "
Yes. And you know it or you wouldn't be asking. You know she likes you more than you like her. It's not fair to use her. You're young but it's time to decide what kind of man you want to be. There's nothing wrong with casual sex if that's what BOTH parties want. There is something very wrong about knowing someone is into you and just using them to get laid.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 October 2019):
You already know what do to.
Being immature doesn't mean you are stupid, as your posts shows.
You hormones wants you to keep going in hopes for sex but your brains tell you that SHE isn't right for you and YOU aren't right for her.
If I were you I'd just tell her that you think you two are looking for different things, that YOU aren't looking to have a serious grown up relationship and that going on more dates would be wasting HER time.
I wouldn't tell that all you really want is to "skrump" her and move on.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (30 October 2019):
 For someone who feels they are immature, you are showing a remarkable level of maturity in thinking through what is happening with this lady. You know yourself best. You sound to have good morals. Be guided by them.
If this situation was reversed and YOU were in the lady's shoes, how would you want to be treated? If this was your sister/close friend, how would you want her to be treated?
You already know the answer. Hot as she is, she is just not for you, not if you want to live with your conscience. You sound like a nice guy. I am sure you will do the right thing.
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