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anonymous
writes:I have a trust issue with my man. I've been seeing him since September last year. In March this year I went on holiday with him, and whilst we were away he asked me to move in with him.He goes to London weekly overnight as he works in the Civil Service and I have met some of his team where he works - all about ten years younger than him, single and can get a 'bit wild' - (some are also rugby players and they do tend to have a 'no-holds barred' sense of humour!) I trusted him implicitely up until then, as he is older and has told me on many occasions that he loves me, and is committed to me, and in no way wants to jeapordise what we have got. However I found condoms in a bag which he uses on his business trips! He has also been on holiday with his friends and I found one in a wallet which was'nt there when we were away..I have met most of his family and his grandchildren and as I say, truly believe that he loves me.I decided that the only thing I could do was to confront him about it. I didn't believe his explanation (that "they must have been old ones", I checked the sell-by dates, some 2009); as it did'nt match the evidence, and he made a remark about trust and me going through his things, but I told him not to go down that road as he had made me suspicous in the 1st place and I HAD to find out! - but as I love him so much and my life would be the poorer without him, I decided to try to put it all behind us and start over again. But lately he has been a bit off-hand with me and when I ask him why he says all is OK with us, but I'm not so sure... what do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your help on this. Just to clarify things - In no way would I regard the love of my life as merely a "bank account"!!! What I meant to say was that my life would be spiritually, physically and mentally the poorer; indeed although I have good friends I cannot imagine being without him now.
So yes, I confronted him and he, as always, re-affirmed his love and committment for me and told me again that he intends this to last for a very long time. He has a great reputation, he was the captain of his rugby team and whenever we attend socials, someone always comes up and thanks him for supporting and taking part in the charity bike rides, walks, etc. So I would be letting a great guy go if I were to end it, and yes my life, not my purse would be the poorer!! Cheers, everyone! :o)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2006): I did say that my life would be the poorer - to clarify..In no way is he just a "bank account"!!! I love him to bits and I meant emotionally and physically poorer - NOT financially!! I am not that shallow!...Thanks for all your advice everyone, I have already spoken to him and he is constantly re-affirming his love and commitment for me. Really, he is such a kind man and has always been. He was the captain of the rugby club and whenever we attend the social gatherings there is always someone or other saying what a great guy he is and what a good character he has, doing charity bike rides and walks, etc; he really has a good reputation, so I know his heart is in the right place!! I'll give it another go, methinks..! :o)
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reader, Terrapin +, writes (2 July 2006):
 Im afraid i disagree with smiler. You should confront him, if you cant trust him, you cant be in a proper relationship, you need to talk to him and work things out before it gets too bad and you cant trust him again. Try marriage/relationship counselling and see if that helps. Whatever happends you need to remember a bf is for loving, trusting and honesty, thats what you would do for him and he should do for you. If its not whats happening you need to communicate and make it clear that you are getting paranoid because he wont tell you the truth. you say your life would be poorer without him, if you mean that you would lose your income, im sure you could cope, he is a bf not a bank account.
good luck and get talking. Be strong.
T
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reader, natika +, writes (2 July 2006):
I also have trust issues with my boyfriend, he has two jobs and when we not together I dont think he at work. He has done nothing to make me not trust him but, I have had past experiences that make me act this way. He got upset and told me we can't be a couple again until I believe him I love him so much and I need help.What steps should I take?
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reader, Smiler +, writes (2 July 2006):
 Hey Sweetie
Well i can understand that you are a little insecure about things right now, but seriously its horrible to feel like your partner doesn't trust in you, i mean he has told you already that he loves you and wouldn't cheat on you cause of what you have so maybe i think your just a little unsure about his friends so your assuming that your partner is going to act the same way the minute he's not around you, i seriously doubt that he would do anything behind your back as he sounds like he loves you just as much as you love him the whole thing with the condoms well maybe his friends got them for him just as a bit of fun you know no holds barred sense of humour they obviously have not thought about you finding them an getting into a state :o) try not to imagine the worst cause i'm sure your the only one thinking down those lines if i were you try to concentrate on enjoying the relationship you have rather than sowing those seeds of doubt you obviously have growing in your mind honey they will only lead to arguements and upset lifes to short :o)
I hope my advice was of help to you in this situation :o) and good luck with it. If you ever need a friendly chat of shoulder to cry on or just more advice I'm always here for you
You Take Care X
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