| A
female
age
36-40,
*eeGee
writes: I have always had a problem in past relationships with being paranoid and have had trouble trusting boyfrineds. I have been with my boyfriend a year now and have never had problems trusting him, mainly as he has never done anything to break that trust.The problem is that 2 years ago a girl that was very close to me moved away, within that time me and my boyfriend have been together. The problem is that my boyfriend and her used to be best friends too before she moved away but he was secretly infactuated with her, she knew it, everyone did. We have always been in the same group of friends.howeve,scince she has gone ive realised she is a complete manipulater, she has a boyfriend and has done for the last year but she still has to have all her male friends there, she has to have all the guys infactuated with her and plays on this.well, she moves back on tuesday and i know shes going to be around a lot and im so worried hes going to fall for her again. Im so unsure what to do, ive spoken to him and he says theres nothing to worry about he loves me but i know that everytime im not with him im going to go crazy thinking hes with her.please can someone think of something i can do. i know if i keep bringing it up it will wind him up but its realy upsetting me and i cant just do nothing.GG
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female
reader, GeeGee +, writes (8 January 2007):
GeeGee is verified as being by the original poster of the question white heaven - thankyou i know your right and youve just realy confirmed what i knew, what you have said ive realised i knew what to do i guess im just scared of doing it, ive always been good at giving friends advice but can never take my own. I do trust him I guess im in a situation though where i put a lot of effort into my relationships yet seem to be the one that gets hurt back, and im scared to let him go incase he doesnt fly back.when i know deepdown that its best to know. Deepdown i know he would never do anything im more worried that he will spend time with her again and his feelings will be secret although hed never act on them.
i gueess the hardest part is that i was closer to her when he was infactuated with her, so i know exactly how he felt as i was on her side of the situation. She had always told him that nothing would happen, like she did with all our other male friends that felt the same way for her, but that just made her seem more appealing i guess as men seem to like that. She plays on it though, used to sit on their knees and hold all their hands and generally flirt.
The only time me and my boyfriend ever seem to fight is when shes back in town and i get paranoid. I guess the truth is she has a lot of friends and although him and her were very close friends before she left she has made no effort in contacting him or when she came back to cheshire to visit she didnt realy make the effort to see him, but shed reply if he txted her.but the annoying thing is they still think their close although its been 2 years and im trying to explain to him you do lose friends over time, its just what happens. I guess i'm realy just trying to make him realise that its not worth making me paranoid and upseting me over someone that doesnt give a shit about him, hes just another person (although her friend) to mentaly play with. sorry i write a lot. gg
A
male
reader, White Heaven +, writes (8 January 2007):
 Hey Girl... Listen here, I fully understand what you going through, hey.. I went through the same when I wasn't married... I feared the same with my GirlfRiend...
oK, Well here is my advice for you... it is very hard but you have to know it, when it comes down to love, it takes 2 people to make "a full heart of love" , now you are giving your full half, and he needs to do the same...
In other words, there is a saying that goes, let the pigeon go, if she comes back to you is yours forever but if it doesn't, it never was...
Let your boyfriend be with whoever, he said he loves you... trusts eachother... that's it... there is nothing you can do, except trully know what you want in your heart and getting rid of this girl won't change anything, there are many out there, so my advice, RELAX, change looks by Tuesday, dress a bit differently, and live your life a different way and you will see that after such hard work, you will get rewarded!!!...
I promise...
God Bless YA!
*WHITE HEAVEN*
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A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (8 January 2007):
 hi there
I think in a situation like this where your insecurities is playing tricks on you, you need to let go of this needy feeling, if his word is not enough for you then u simply don’t trust him and honestly if he is not playing around he will get annoyed with you and we both know the result of that. as there is nothing painful than not being trusted by a partner while all u have been doing is loving and respecting that person, so don’t fall into that trap of loosing a good thing because of paranoia.
Or maybe u are not ready for a full relationship that is why you are constantly paranoid, or you and your boyfriend just don’t click enough because the security issue in a relationship comes naturally until such time one of them really breaks it, it stays intact; another thing don’t have to be on guard 24/7 to keep your relationship safe from harm or work hard to keep girls away from your bf. As long as he is alive there will always be women chasing after him and the truth is u just have to learn to trust him enough because u cant put him locked in a cage or some place where other women do not exist.
and also the way your friendship with her ended might also be the biggest factor in this triangle, deal with that first maybe it will help.
If then you find out u trusted him and he made a move on her then you can do something, if he doesn’t but she does then tell him it upsets u that she keeps pestering him because it feels like he is not handling her very well and the feeling makes u disrespected, then take it from there. good luck
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