A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:So I've been with my bf for 8 years now. He's 31, I'm 40. Last week he told me he loved me, but wasn't "in love" with me anymore. He says he loves me and wants me to be in his life, but isn't sure if he's "in" love with me enough to stay together. But tells me "you're my best friend". What do I do? Any ideas? He is even questioning his whole-adult-life decision not to have kids (which is very hard as I can't have any).I'm trying very hard to make him see that I am still the same person he fell in love with, just a bit wider these days :) but he doesn't seem to care, its all too hard (his words).If you don't have any advice, pls send a hug. It will be greatly appreciated by sad me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for the advice, its much appreciated. I am just taking it one day at a time atm.
He is still the love of my life, so I will keep hoping that it is just a work/stress thing. Thanks :)
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (7 June 2010):
 Hmm. The kid thing is a biggie if he's thinking about that. But I think the real issue is the whole monotony of it all. Long term relationships develop their own inner language, with the same conversations and their same nuances happening over and over again. You two are so close that you can finish each others' sentences, and communicate complicated messages with each other via a single look. He said it himself - you're best friends. That statement alone is the hope factor in this dilemma.
He needs to see you in a whole new light. This is possible because both of you are always growing and changing. He's realizing his growth and mulling over the fact that his growth is away from you, and it's probably reinforced, through no fault of your own, because you're talking to him and having the same conversations over and over. His life is in a rut. Yours may be too. There is a great solution that can save both of you, and if it doesn't, WILL save you in a huge way.
Put away all of the old conversations. Become unpredictable. Resurrect an old passion of yours, or indulge a new one and put your whole heart into it. Become slightly mysterious. Don't brush your teeth or do unsightly things with the door open in front of hom. Change your hairstyle and get a new wardrobe. You say you're "wider"? There's nothing wrong with that, but you might want to pick up biking, running, the gym, or another sport. Take up cooking. Watch different TV shows. Give your life a whole spring cleaning, and above all, DO NOT SHARE why you're doing this with your boyfriend. Find your sense of adventure again. Save some money and go on a dream trip. Go back to college or take a new course.
He will SEE a fire lit inside you and be instantly attracted to it. If he says something about what he wants out of life, be interested in it. Don't bring up the bills or that you need him to do some mundane errand for you while he's opening his sould. Sweep away the cobwebs of old spats that keep recurring. He'll be like "WOW! Who is this woman?!" Pull away from him just slightly. Give the relationship some challenge.
There could be the possibility that your relationship may be beyond repair, but if you get your life in motion and find a huge passion, it may not be him, but others will be drawn to you. It may take him leaving you, seeing how you've exploded in excitement from afar to give him a thirst for you he's never known. Though, by that time, some other guy may have seen too.
Good luck! Hope this helps!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): Well you have to have a talk with him to see exactly why he may have fallen out of love. If its bescuse there is just no "spark" left between you guys, that is something you guys can try to get back together. It could also be something that you can't control at all and is completely on his terms. If this is something you can not work out together, then it might be a good idea for you to end things. Many times people take eachother for granted in long term relationships, and as sad as it is, only realize what they had when its gone. It might take you guys breaking up for him to realize that he is in fact in love with you. If he doesn't and is content with his life without being with you, then you know it wasn't meant to be. You deserve to be with someone who is madly in love with you.
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A
female
reader, samyum +, writes (7 June 2010):
 If you really believe you havent.. changed then you havent!
Has he changed ? what has changed ?
Is he going thru some mid life crisis?
As hard as it is you know that deep in your heart you dont want someone there for a piece of furniture we all need the real deal look at all those oldies out there that sit in separate rooms,they hardly talk or are so selfish & disrespectful of their wives do you want that? We all want the real deal someone who loves us for what we are for all that we are, they dont have to like us all the time we arent perfect...
Sometimes we just have to let go if it comes back it is yours if it doesnt it wasnt meant to be ..then you need to find the lesson because in life we have many lessons to learn in this one life time ..
Good luck I hope you have a happy ending
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