A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi,i'm in love with a man that loves me too as his words and most of his actions do say.he calls me daily, remember my face in everywhere we went to, he takes me places he never went to with an ex so he only remembers me, he does exactly what i say...but thats the problem!!! i have to say it.he never buys me flower before i say i want one, he never comes and surprise me at the university even though he knows my schedule better than i do and just knows i can't love anything more than surprises of any kind,he has free time and money so no excuses in that. he simply never do something silly, he's too serious , right to the point and wants to please me without making any effort!even when we have a conflict he nags on me to tell him what behavior did hurt me so he would change it.last time he talked with his ex and i got so frustrated from the subject so i applied silent treatment so he can actually "feel" his fault and when he did and stated the fault all by him self,i got so proud yet then i remembered that i have mentioned what i want to be done in front of a common friend...i think he simply did n't feel anything.by the way, he was "too gentle" with the ex in the chat!should i worry? does he love me? is this considered cheating?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Miz7  +, writes (22 November 2012):
Maybe give him flowers instead, I did that to my boyfriend.. Equal reaction and happiness to it :) maybe lower your standards they seem very high up . As for the trust issues same here but guess what you're the one he's dating not her anymore for a reason ;)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks a lot for the answers girls.
aunt honesty, i do have some trust issues with him because he used to be player before we dated, he say that he loves me dearly yet when i check his cell phone i read: "miss you" and "darling" in his chats with his exes which i don't approve and i have told him so and he just keep doing it.
i'll try communicating more.
female writer, i'm not controlling i simply like to feel different than all the others which is something he never efforts to do...we've been together for 5 month now and its the first time I've given him the silent treatment because i'm really tired of the matter of him initiating the chats with his exes and telling them thinks similar to what he tells me :"lovely" "hunn" everyone calls it cheating while i conceder it a bad habbite that needs to be changed yet in five month it didn't.
i'm just too tired help!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2012): This relationship is all about you and what you want or don't want. It's very one-sided. You dictate how you want him to behave and he does it only because you tell him to. and if he steps out of bounds and does something he wants that displeases you, you give him the 'silent treatment' to punish him. This type of relationship is a very controlling one, and it's no fun for the person being controlled. you need to appreciate him for who he is and allow the relationship to develop NATURALLY on its own. If that means you never get surprise flowers etc., because he's not the kind of person who does that sort of thing, then so be it. That would be a more natural relationship if you allow him to be who he is and to NOT be who he isn't. Instead you have created this artificial relationship by directing him all the time to do this or that. and you say it's a problem that he doesn't do those things on his own? No, the problem is that you don't accept what he would normally do (or not do) on his own instead you must change his behavior to something not natural for him. (by the way, you may find that if you stop controlling him so much, he may actually start to desire to do those things on his own because he would appreciate you more if you treat him better)and the thing about talking to his ex - you should back off. He's an adult and he has the right to talk to whoever he wants. Giving him the silent treatment later on is very childish and it lowers his opinion of you a notch every time you do it so for now there may not be that much damage done yet but if you continue doing this sort of thing sooner or later he won't enjoy being in a relationship with you anymore.If you want someone who will behave SO DIFFERENTLY from your bf normally would, to the point you don't allow him to be as he is, then maybe you should get a different bf.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 November 2012):
 What do you mean by to gentle? At the end of the day if he wants to be friends with his ex then there should not be a problem if you trust him, if you think he wants to cheat on you then the trust is just not there and therefore no point in the relationship.
As for him not being spontaneous and surprising you, again it does not make him a bad boyfriend it is just his personality and the way he behaves. Believe me there are a lot of guys like this and it really does not mean that he doesn't love you, maybe you are both just not right for each other. Communicate more with him, tell him how you feel.
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