A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Heya! I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past 2 years and i love him very much. Lately though we've been having quite a few conversations about our relationship and I'm struggling to understand how he really feels. I'm leaving for a year away next year and he says hes trying to distance himself to make it less hard. I think we should just enjoy what we have and well see what happens next year. I want to be with him more than anything but I can't live with him staying at arm's length and its tearing me apart. Is this unfair? Trouble is I can never seem to say exactly what I feel when we talk - there always seems to be something missing. I was thinking maybe I'd write everything down but I'm a bit scared he'll think me an idiot. Please reply if you have any advice. Thanks. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2008): I knew my boyfriend for a year - all this time I knew eventually his visa would come through and he would emigrate. Now he has and we have been apart for 6 months although still officially 'together' as a couple. It made our relationship before he emigrated very painful at times and very difficult to cope with - more so for me - each happy time was tinged with sadness and 'what ifs'. Your boyfriend is doing what I did and quite honestly what could you possibly expect? Unless he is going to be with you he is feeling vulnerable and hurt and possibly a little rejected. When you go into a relationship it is hard to accept other people following their own path / dream. I accepted it because I love my boyfriend enough to let him go - and I know that if I cannot be with him then I have not held him back. It is still so hard to cope with. Allow your boyfriend to be a little distant from you - it is natural. I would recommend you make some practical plans to stay in touch or meet up at some point? Your relationship may or may not survive the distance (physical or emotional) and so he is putting a protective shell around himself. Unfortunately I don't think you can have it both ways.
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