A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im so confused. I met this great guy and there was instantly a connection. Things went really fast and we are already living together. But he is so hot and cold. Sometimes he is the sweetest man on the planet other times its just like we are nothing more than roommates. Sometimes he comes home early to spend time with me and sometimes he doesn't come home at all. He doesn't have a stable job and does Alot of random work. Here is where things get really ugly. I started talking to an ex a few weeks ago and he wants to get back together. Im so confused my ex is a great man but so is the man i live with. I don't know how to get out of this triangle. I know I should have never started this but now i don't know who i love more. who i want to be with long term. I truly do love them both just for different reasons. Let me also add that things with my ex ended on good terms it was mostly a distance thing because we live far apart. And for the most part things are great with the man i live with except he has commitment issues. I see myself married and having a family (within a few years time) and for now that's not what he wants. my ex on the other hand is on the same level as me, he wants a wife (me) and kids. I just don't know who to choose. Either way I will be hurt and no matter who i choose the other will be hurt as well. I don't want to hurt either one of them but i love them both and which ever one i leave I will have to cut out of my life completely because I already know there is no way to be just friends with either of them. Sorry this is kinda scrambled just so confused. I know I was wrong I just don't know how to fix it.
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get back together, my ex, roommate Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Sabrena  +, writes (19 February 2011):
aww so happy for u thumbs up for making the right decision best of wishes!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all for the advice. it really helped i am happy to let you all know that i have made my choice. my bf showed me a side of him that i don't like one bit. i now see that the right man for me is my ex. i wrote down everything i want in a relationship without thinking of them and it turns out the man i live with is not willing to give me any of it. i know this because I asked him. i know I can't stay in a relationship where i get nothing in return. especially when i have someone that loves me for who i am and gives me everything i ever wanted emotionally. time for me to go get my man! and as for the distance we agree to make more of an effort to see each other and come december when my lease is up where i live we are going to move closer to each other. thank you again!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all for the advice. it really helped i am happy to let you all know that i have made my choice. my bf showed me a side of him that i don't like one bit. i now see that the right man for me is my ex. i wrote down everything i want in a relationship without thinking of them and it turns out the man i live with is not willing to give me any of it. i know this because I asked him. i know I can't stay in a relationship where i get nothing in return. especially when i have someone that loves me for who i am and gives me everything i ever wanted emotionally. time for me to go get my man! and as for the distance we agree to make more of an effort to see each other and come december when my lease is up where i live we are going to move closer to each other. thank you again!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 February 2011):
 Ok well I know someone is going to get hurt but you need to chose one of them and nobody can do this for you only yourself. I know it must be a really hard choice but life is full on tough decisions. Ok I think the best thing you can do is take some time to yourself and ask yourself what you really want out of a relationship and write all of the things down on a piece of paper. Without thinking of either of the men. Once that is done, sit and see which one of the men can offer you the most.
The man that you are with at the moment, well as you say yourself he has commitment issues yet everything moved so quick. So I think you need to talk to him openly about what he wants and where he sees the relationship going. You need answers from him before you make your mind up. You both need to talk openly and honestly and see if things can improve.
It sounds to me like in your heart you know you want to be with your ex but that you also dont want to let go of your boyfriend and hurt both you and him but am afraid you need to do it sooner rather than later. Goodluck Hunny hope things work out for you.
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A
female
reader, Sabrena +, writes (17 February 2011):
I cant tell u who to choose but if u want to get married and have kids one day i think ur ex is the man than as u have stated that he sees the same picture, also i dont like how this current bf is out and about specialy if he doesnt let u know. You said u would cut one of them out if its the current bf than that would mean u would move out if its him that u will leave than i would suggest just move out before breaking up and then tell him after u have settled that u want to break up. I say that because it would give u time to know if u really want to break up with hm and also it would be beta for both of u if u did break up tht u cn move on without doubt etc etc.Now with ur ex u broke up cos of long distance is that fixed is he going to move closer or are you coz if u do go bk wont tht same problem be there again? nwys wteva u decide goodluck with it and let us know hw it goes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2011): Have you tried talking to the guy you live with? If he was willing to commit, would you prefer to stay with him? Does your ex know you're living with someone else?
Ive just come out of a 2 year relationship with a guy who was very hot and cold and although I love him, I couldn't take the uncertainty anymore. Think about who can offer you what you really want, and if you can visualise yourself staying with that person. Good luck,
Katie
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