A
male
age
51-59,
*liver1
writes:hi ive been having an affair for 14 years with a married woman, she has got two children and her husband is a good man who treats her good, but I'm still having this affair and i love her deeply, she says she loves me but she still flirts a lot and i don't think i trust her with other men, sounds crazy doesn't it but I'm so unhappy. Please can someone advise me and help me see that i have to change my life ....
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affair, flirt, married woman Reply to this Question
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male
reader, oliver1 +, writes (7 April 2011):
oliver1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all its oliver again not been here for a while,Well things have moved on since my last visit,we have broke up, but not after sleeping together many times since,The problem i have now is that i cant get over her and move on ,ime in so much pain ,the thought of not having her in my life now just makes me feel sick,i dont want to do anything,around the house,work,ive got no interest in anything anymore,ime so sad really, is there any advice from you guys that may help,i will listen and try anything,anything,
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): Don't waste your life waiting and hurting. Someone out there will give you everything she is plus everything she's civic her husband. When you leave her you will prob feel a lot of confusion and pain but time will heal it. And beside if some how you and her end up really being together you will hold resentment against her, and you may not ever feel you that you can trust her. And don't beat your self up or blame yourself for her husbands pain... she has obligations to him not you. And it is easy to get caught up in that kind of stuff. Forgie your self, find a new seince of self respect and peace, then move on.... good luck
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A
male
reader, oliver1 +, writes (6 December 2010):
oliver1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhya all thanks for your input you all gave good advice well the inevitable happened and her husband found a txt message,it as all come out,but the funny thing is he is just doing what they normally do ie shopping,going out ,and being close together it seems like i have taken all the blame ,but the one thing that hasn,t suprised me is as soon has her hubby is away at work guess what there was another man round her house ,she must be such a bitch ,my worries were right,i now feel guilty to her husband but i don,t think i should tell him what do you think ? a very confused oliver
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): I'm going to take a different angle here from what other people have posted.
she may truly love you and if so she needs to leave her husband. Her kids would be better off with a mother who was honest enough to become monogamous to one man (whether that be her husband or you ultimately) than a mother who is keeping secrets leading a double life forever.
she can't have it both ways. Maybe give her an ultimatum. People are resistant to change even if they are currently unhappy. Maybe you need to shake things up with her. By carrying on an affair with her for 14 years you are making it easy for her to have you while remaining married to her husband. why would she leave her marriage if she 'doesn't have to' and still be able to have you? Some people may cave in under the guilt and stress of keeping up the double life, but if it's been going on for 14 years she's not one of those people obviously.
But if you give her an ultimatum you have to be wiling to follow through on leaving her if she still refuses to leave her marriage.
You say this has been going on for 14 years. have you been feeling this unhappy all those 14 years? If not, then why now? what changed?
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A
female
reader, monkey friend  +, writes (6 October 2010):
You need to break up with her. First of all, shame on you for seeing a married woman. Does marriage mean nothing to you? Secondly, shame on her, and shame on her big time. I can't imagine having a mother who would cheat...bad mother and bad wife. Still, shame on you for letting it happen!!! You could be a part of the reason why her kids and husbands life coudl get destroyed. Honestly, I think you should break up with her and never see her again not matter what, and secondly, tell her husband that he has an unfaithful wife so hopefuly you will become smart enough to divorce her (which I hope he does).
Marriage is sacred, this is just wrong!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2010): It drives you nuts that she flirts so much and you don't think you can trust her with other men? I'm sure you're right on that last count, but...you're not exactly entitled to be jealous if she's been cheating on her husband, WITH YOU, for the last 14 years!
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A
female
reader, sweetkisses-143 +, writes (6 October 2010):
 Hunny you really do need to change it around. I will tell you from my boss' experience...He had a wife of 32 years and was cheating with a very younger woman. He left his wife for her. Sounds great right? Wrong...She ended up leaving him after 6 months saying that if she cheated on his wife he will cheat on her. They were very unhappy and ended up splitting up and never seeing each other again. Now he lost half his financing and half of his business to his ex wife in the divorce. Now hes alone and has no one.Another example would be of my uncle... He had a wife of 27 yrs. He left his wife for this other woman. They are married now. But they are always having fights because they are both very very very insecure. They both left their significant other for each other. The kids on both sides were very effected and my uncles daughter ended up hating him for "ripping their family apart" and his current wife's son moved out saying he "will not support such disgusting behavior" and that he didn't want to speak to her anymore. He hasn't talked to his mom in 2 yrs.If she has a great man, and the kids are happy, just leave it be...If she is cheating now, she will find another. If it all came out on who you guys were and familys found out the way the people i knows family did its a disaster. You will find someone to love. I believe there is someone out there for everyone. Don't drive yourself crazy. I think aunt honesty is right too. You are going to go into a depression. Shes not going to leave him.If she did, how would you be sure you two would make it? How do you know you wouldn't go through all the pain and insecurities the people I know did?It will be hard, but it is what is best for everyone. Mostly importantly, do whats best for you. You need to make yourself happy. Love is beautiful and amazing. It should never be hidden but flaunted and shared with the world. You can't do that in this situation.Good luck to you and I wish you the very best. 3
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 October 2010):
 Am afraid you really need to change your life, what am going to tell you am sure you already know, she is not yours she is someone else's women and she probably will never leave her husband, you are going to end up in a depression if you dont get out of this affair, 14 years is an awful long time how her husband has never found out is beyond me, but am sure you want more out of your life than a fling and secrecy all the time. So next time you see her tell her it is over and never contact you again and stick to this, you need to get away from this disaster, start going out socializing and doing new hobbies, spend some quality time with friends and try and forget her, once you are happy within yourself start going out dating. goodluck
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