A
female
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*ERENE
writes:Hi All,Recently, I just got out of a relationship, but I seem to think of my ex 24/7. The problem is that I do not have any loving thoughts of my ex. The breakup was disasterous, as the both of us threw insults at each other and he asked me not to call him ever again.I haven't called him at all, but his birthday is coming up soon and I don't want to wish him well, I have this ache in my heart to send him a nasty email. I know its wrong, and I would hate to be the receiver of such an email myself but the urge to do this is so great that it frightens me.I shud bygones be bygones, but this guy stole from me and I really want to hurt him back. What would you do?
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female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (17 January 2007):
 Serene, rise above this challenge.
If if makes you feel better, write a long letter to him expressing all the feelings you have inside you good and bad, it helps some people. But never send it!
Print it off and burn it, watch it burn to ashes. It is part of the process of dealing with bad break up.
Sending nasty email, will not change anything, might just start a trend and give him the opportunity to be nasty back. Be strong and the better person that you are.
x
A
female
reader, cece23  +, writes (16 January 2007):
 What I would do is avoid from sending him a nasty letter....because he may not reply back and that is going to upset you even more or he may laugh at the fact your pissed off. Do not call him on his b-day....he will be okay.....Let him call you first and apologize for what happened.....trust me he will be back...so don't show signs of craziest or feelings.....just shake it off....control your own feelings and not let him....Trust me he will call so go through this alone time...I know it hurts....but it will make you stronger.....And he decides to come back do not let him back in easy....show tough love...if he don't come back ....them move on and do you....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2007): Yes, of course you want to hurt him as much as possible because that's what he did to you!
But I'm with the others: don't do it! You COULD, however, set aside some time - say, a couple of hours one evening, but a specific amount of time - in which you write an absolutely STINKING letter, throwing all the insults you can think of into it, and maybe fantasize slashing the tires on his car, or going to his house and breaking a bottle over his head - picture yourself doing it, as vividly as you can, only of course don't actually DO it. After the two or three or one hour time period has passed, let it go. You've vented, so then go out with friends, see a good movie or go to dinner, or get a massage or manicure! Get it out of your system so you can move on.
I assume you have also expressed your outrage to at least one friend?
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (15 January 2007):
 You're hurting and you want him to hurt as much as you are. That's why you want to send him the email. That's natural. We all have impulses to do stuff like that in your situation but please, please don't do it. It's nearly impossible to stay friends with an ex but you owe it to yourself to try. If it would make you feel better write the email but don't send it. At least that way you'll have got all the hate and anger out without having to do it with him. Or start an online diary. That really helped me last time I broke up with someone. It was great just to vent and get it all out with the support of people who read me. If you'd like a good site to start a diary private message me and I'll tell you where I am, along with my diary name so you can read if you like. Hope this helps.
CD
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (15 January 2007):
 Hi Serene,
If I were you, I would not send him any kind of nasty email. Any sort of nasty email, letter, etc where it's written out can come back to haunt you. You don't want to potentially make problems for yourself in the future, right? If things got so heated where he didn't even want to talk with you afterward, then you don't want to start harassing him which could prompt him to get the police involved. Maybe he isn't that sort of person, but when someone is pushed to the limit they sometimes don't act themselves (like you wanting to write the email, right?).
I'm wondering what this guy stole from you (you don't need to tell me). Maybe you should talk to a police officer or a laywer if need be. That would be far more sensible to resolve matters than writing a hate email to him.
If what he stole from you cannot be taken back, then I would try to put all of this out of my mind. Do you have a creative outlet you could throw all of this anger and frustration into? Writing, painting, etc. Or maybe even working out to release some tension. Something more positive.
Remember - in the end, you'll want to be the bigger person, right? Don't let this drag you down.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, Lilly223 +, writes (15 January 2007):
 An urge to send an ex a nasty email is normal, because you want to hurt him as much as he hurt you, but I'd recommend you not act on it. When my ex- husband and I broke up I had thoughts of driving 500 miles and slashing the tires on his precious car, (that he loved more than me :) ) but I didn't. Thinking this kind of stuff is normal, as long as you don't act on it, and don't obsess about it too much. You will be the bigger and more mature person if you don't send the text, the pain will dissapate faster (rather than be prolonged by more contact with him), and you will be able to get on you life with your head held high, instead of regretting your actions years later.
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