A
male
age
41-50,
*onfusedsoul
writes:Well, i am 25 yr old single guy and carry this notion about females that it is a kind of abnormal to talk with a woman who is someone else's wife. I shy away or cut short any such conversations and extra care to not come in any close contact with them. Is this belief right or am i being overbearing about the whole thing? I may one day open an account here rather than post Anon all the time, I do post rather alot on here. Thanks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2007): ConfusedSoul writes:One more issue on the lines of this question is i find it extremely hard to control my feelings to flirt when talking with women and talking only things that might please them. I am groomed to believe that women don't like to hear harsh realities or facing the situation as it is. They rather prefer hiding in to the shelter of someone strong who can really handle things for them, atleast in my culture. How to handle communication in such cases?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2007): ConfusedSoul replies:Your replies have been quite an eye opener for me. Yes i do belong to a religious background and in culture where women are considered a taboo for anyone except the man with whom they are married. I personally don't like this and am just trying to be considerate by not talking with them or i risk being taken for a flirt, as mentioned in one of the replies. I am actually working on finding the right balance and hope this conversation would help me in the same. Thanks once again to all..
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (6 April 2007):
 Married women...it is perhaps better to think of them as individual's with their own personality rather than 'someone else's wife'. It is fine to have friendships with married women; but as this board testifies to, anymore than that is usually heading for a very unhappy ending. If you are a mature adult then you will understand that and know where to draw the line in your future relationships/ associations with married women.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (6 April 2007):
 You are definately too cincerned with this idea that married women are not people you can talk with. Of course, it depends on what you're saying and how you approach the situation.
What are you going to do in work situations? What about married women in clubs, bars, shops, on the bus. Married does not equal dead or "taken". People are not taken, there just off limits for certain things. You see, if you were to get maried, would you expect your wife to never talk to other men. That's not realistic and your marriage would be a short one. We're people, we communicate, socialize and make friends and enemies, based on our ability to conduct ourselves in a decent manner.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2007): 'Confusedsoul', I perceive that you may come from a religious background. That is fine. Or, should be. But you may have gotten some wires crossed along the way. Perhaps it was from all the no-no's about adultery, etc. Or perhaps an over-emphasis on putting women on a pedestal of some sort. Married women are people like all others. They don't stop being ordinary people because they are committed to a certain man in a marital relationship. Ordinary conversation and friendliness are not "taboo". At least not in the western Christian world. I am assuming that is the world you are in. Other religions and cultures virtually make all women "taboo" in even ordinary social situations to everyone except the husband. This is virtual slavery and making the woman a "non-person". I will not get into a religious argument here, but you need to put that sort of thinking out of your mind. I don't know where you got it. You are a better "analyst" of that than anyone. But think about this: Western society and culture would virtually come to an end if married persons, males and females, were unable to even speak with each other, or with anyone else. On a second thought, perhaps you are simply uncomfortable with talking to women in general? Are you afraid of saying something offensive? That is an imagined fear. Try to be more confident in your conversations and just be yourself, as you would with a family member. I hope this will help. I would like to hear some feedback. Do post again. Tom
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2007): Well I guess you're worried that you might appear to be flirting and therefore make them uncomfortable, so you're just trying to be considerate. However, marriage would be pretty miserable if everybody of the opposite sex stopped talking to you for ever. There's no harm in talking to people just because they are married.
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