A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a very confused spot right now. Over the past year or so, I met a great girl in college and we became close friends right away. Over the time we've known each other, I developed a pretty heavy crush on her. She had a boyfriend for as long as I've known her who has repeatedly cheated on her, disappears for days at a time, and sells drugs. I never liked him, and never hid those feelings about him.About a week ago, it came to a head, when I finally revealed my feelings for her. To my surprise, she told me she felt the same way, that she felt madly in love with me, and had been holding those feelings back but (and there is always a but), she felt that leaving him would be wrong. We were communicating this over the phone, and in a dramatic moment of grand romantic gesture, I ran to her house across town, she opened the door and we kissed like a movie scene. We fooled around a bit, but she stopped me, saying "not like this", so we just kind of made out a while. The next day, she decided to go to her mother's place to think things through, leaving me a message that was rather flirty. She has been up there since, and is due back by tomorrow. The problem is, the day after I got the flirty message, I saw a post on her myspace by her boyfriend saying that every fight and obstacle would only make their relationship stronger. Now I'm in this ignorant limbo, not knowing what has happened, and afraid that I have now not only lost a girl I think I love, but also a good friend. So I ask, what is up? How do I react to all this? I have this dreadful feeling that she has made her choice, and it's not me. Can the friendship be saved at this point? Can I make this work? I'm torturing myself with all my questions.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (1 July 2007):
 What you saw on her MySpace was wat HE said, not what SHE said. I wouldn't worry about what the boyfriend says.
I do want to stop in what she says. She said she needed to think things through. Give her the time she needs. Don't contact her: she will feel this as pressure on your side, and women always react negatively to this sort of pressure.
What is killing you is the fact that you don't know what is going on. Well, with time, you will know. It's a matter of waiting. If she doesn't contact you, well, her mind is made up. If she does and says you'll be friends, OK. If she comes your way, do I have to say anything?
Patience is a virtue, and patience with women is a virtue we need to learn the very hard way. This is it, man.
Keep your spirits up.
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