A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Can anyone answer me this question please, do all or most men masturbate even though they are married and do it behind their wife's back, and why do they do this. Does it stops them from having sex with their wife because I think that's what's happened to us and I do not understand it. My hubby would never admit to doing this practice we have sex very rarely because he always has an excuse, he knows I am a willing partner but he's not very interested. I'm not sure but I think he has been watching porn, we have watched these together in the past so he knows I know that they are in the house, in my wardrobe. I have noticed that where they are kept sometimes things have been moved around, now maybe he was looking for something else, but in my wardrobe, why does he feel he has to do it behind my back, should I set a trap, I am asking myself why I am so bothered about this, and it is because it does boil down to him not being interested in having sex with me, he does still touch me, but that's all, and I need an answer. I cannot talk to him about this he would not answer me anyway. I do want to find out because then I could talk to him about it and our sex life and hopefully put it right, anyone else been through the same type of thing.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2007): Hello,I want to let you know that I am married to an absolutely gorgeous woman for 10 years. She has a great body, beautiful face, and makes every effort to be available to me for sex. However, I have a problem, because I don't have the strength and discipline to stop myself from looking at (lusting) other women. Unless you are a nagger, a whinner, or always putting your husband down, it most likely is not your fault, but your husbands. One question I have for you is: why do you want your husband to stop? I know this sounds like a stupid question, but ask yourself - because if your answer is, "it makes me feel bad" and you are basing solely on your own opinion, your husband can shoot right back and say, "well it makes me feel good." Who is right and who is wrong? If you have no standard for your marriage, then anything and everything can go, like some of the responders before me who say things like watch porn with your husband, or it's no big deal every one does it. That's all based on their own standard. Unless you and your husband have 1 standard - you will always have grey areas of self standards. I hope this helps you on a quest for the Truth
A
male
reader, goodbutnotgifted  +, writes (20 February 2007):
 Well this one goes two ways. I too watch Porn for the visual stimulation, and it has nothing to do with you falling short, it takes a long time and a lot of effort to meet steep pre-sex requirements with a familiy home. My wife wants me to run for all the kids needs, then cycle the laundry and write her a poem as she gets the kids to sleep and then act it like a play to swoon her...Yea:| ,Thats not going to happen everytime is it? There have been a few replies to this and I am not too emberassed to answer any e-mails you send me. The wife is insecure too but we get by. for the most part with my wife I fall short sometimes, by myself I dont have to bother stressing it, and after the masturbation I can have sex with the wife and last longer and be more attentive to her needs. When my friends are asking me how to keep their old lady fired up thats what I tell them, some guys masturbate with their wives, others prefer to sneak about it, and surprise their mate with their stamina. Thats the basic anyway. time and stamina. some guys are not the missionary only type, and may desire a change up in the operation, my wife and I have been in all rooms of the house at all hours of the day and try outside and rent hotel rooms, and we're about average in the sex department as couples go. its you and him forever, might try something new, also porn addiction is usualy a sign of a guy who wants more compasion but is unsure how to ask for it without sounding weak or feminine, might sound a bit off, but with guys we're surrounded by are unfeeling and abusive, we get suggestive behaviour from eachother all day and it will probably never stop. if he is touching you but wont have sex he may be feeling unsecure some men get to having trouble getting erect enough for intercourse without external stimulation beyond the norm. and he may just be asking for more time cuddling. I heard somewhere sex should take three hours, the first 30 minutes kissing and ciddling touching and caressing THEN the whole magic moments thing, and finaly soft talk and cuddling after totaling three hours...with what time right? that would be ideal in another world, for now we have to try to balance home and family and there is never enough time for home, so you might try to make more time for family, the dishes and laundry will never be done but your spouse can feel that you apreciate them if you make a little time. Thats about enough for now I think. Dont wory so much about porn though, its not that your not attractive (in fact he may not want to ask you to try these things because he would tarnish your beauty), and hey, maybe your getting out of doing something you cant conciously do, who knows. but if he is getting his outlet alone he is faithfull. hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2007): I hear you sister and I feel your pain. I am going through a similar situation. I have been married to my Husband for 19 yrs. We have 2 children. About 7 years into our married. I had a funny feeling about my husband. Call it woman's intuition. Went looking for answers and got it in the form of a Dildo and a very Disturbing tape of my man. Plus VHS tapes of guys and transvestites. Can imagine my horror. I left him and then came back tried to forgive told him to get rid of everything. Said he did but he did not just found a new stash 2 days ago. I am heartbroken and don't know what to do. Any advice for me?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2007): unfortunately men like to have more than one sexual out put- its nothing personal and u shouldnt take porn to heart. its just about visual stimulation 4 men adn rly isnt anything to worry about. rather than try and stop him or confront him about it, join in- ask him if u can watch porn. make it a couple thing again! good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2007): I caught my husband looking at porn, I confronted him in the act as it were, he thought I was sleeping but I came down stairs to speak to him about something and saw it on the computer.
I was devastated because I get up at 5.30 to start work at 7, finish work at 14.00 to pick up my daughter from school at 15.00 , do homework, make dinner, load the washing machine, wash the dishes, try to tidy the house and eventually at 21.00 fall into bed. I tried to make our home life as pleasant as possible because of this; we also have two children, one under 5 who take up a lot of my time.
He honestly thinks he helps around the house but most nights he watches T.V. and then goes onto the computer.....he was looking at porn because he felt neglected....I still haven't got over it and although I can't change the hours that I work, I have tried to be more available for sex (but only when it suits him.)
I feel neglected, unattractive and also very sad as we've been together for 15 years. I have tried to make the best of a very bad situation. We have never talked about it since it happened so I have no answers for you or myself.
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A
female
reader, stacey.m06 +, writes (16 February 2007):
most men masturbate whether theyre married or not. the fact that you are trying to have sex with him and hes refusing could be difficult for you. does your husband work hard? if he does then that might be why he doesnt want sex. masterbating is just quick and easy and over in minutes sometimes seconds. maybe when he hasnt been to work you should get dressed up cook a romantic meal n perhaps give him a nice massage to get him in the mood. if he still refuses to make love then you need to have it out with him straight away and dont let him leave until he's given you a reasonable explanation. as for the porn, every man loves it, its just a fantasy for them. ask him if one time you could watch it with him and reinact some of the moves. then that way you can both enjoy it. really though hun if things dont improve you need to give him an ultimatum good luck xxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2007): Watching porn behind your back could be because, He doesn't find you exciting anymore.Masturbating is common even amongst married mens. In some cases wives are relieved that they are left alone and not pestered for sex after a husband is finished with by artificial relieving of his feelings.Try to appear more sexy and attractive to your husband. Be careful some of your habits or behavious may be a turn off for him in getting aroused for the intimate encounter.
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