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female
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*uzzie
writes:I just found out that my best guy friend's wife has been cheating on him. I've never liked her because she treats him like dirt. She is ten years older than him and has two grown kids from another marriage. Her kids are drug addicts and have stolen from my friend. She has him on a very tight leash and I know he is absolutely miserable with her.This one time her son stole 3000 dollars from him and his wife took her son's side!! They fight constantly and people say they are like oil and water.I'm sure that he has been scared to leave her because she is so vindictive, but if he found out that she has been cheating on him then he has valid grounds to divorce her and she wouldnt be able to clean him out. I know money is an issue right now.Should I tell him she's been cheating or just keep my mouth shut?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2005): It's a fine line you walk when you know a friend's wife is betraying them and they appear to not know they're being betrayed. Unless you have seen these two blatantly cheating and have undeniable proof-keep this to yourself-you are not in that persons marriage, so best to mind your own business. These are two grown adults able to make their own decisions on right and wrong.
Not sure how you found out about his wife cheating but one shouldn’t ever give credence to anonymous sources and gossip. Remember, it's possible it could be the work of spite or malice. Love isn't always blind when it comes to what a betrayed spouse 'sees' when their spouse is cheating. Remaining silent is not condoning the affair. Confrontation is not the best action if the betrayed spouse isn't ready to deal with the consequences, and it sounds like he may be this way. Get on with your own life and just be there as a supportive buddy, should the day come, he does find out and he needs a good friend to lean on. Take Care
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2005): everyone has a right to know if they are being cheated on. If there was nothing wrong with it no one would keep it a secret. He will eventually find out & he'll be looking straight at you wondering why you didn't tell him. Unless of course, you want to continue the rest of your relationship with him as a friend who lies too. When you've been lied to in a relationship the last thing you need is to know that your so called friends have betrayed you too. It will be seen that you in someway supported this dishonest behaviour by not saying anything. Lying isn't always spoken out loud - you keeping it to yourself is a form of betrayal too.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (6 November 2005):
 Most spouses can tell when their partner is having an affair, and more importantly, some choose not to confront the cheater for various reasons. You don't have a more personal reason for breaking up this marriage do you? It really boils down to the fact that it is none of your business. Stay supportive of your friend but say nothing about your suspions,let him tend to his own business.
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reader, schlottjl +, writes (6 November 2005):
 I would think long and hard about that if you want to keep a friend. What you think of her is not the point except that it would be easy for your friends wife to say you hate her and that is why you are trying to break them up. Not to mention that it is believed by many that spouses know when their mate cheats. Also, you don't say how you know for sure that she is even cheating. Unless you actually saw her having sex with someone, there is a possibility that it is only rumors at work.
Then there is the fact that many if not most people act as of they would leave if there was cheating but when it comes down to it, they don't. Who knows why except that it is easier said than done. Sometimes it is something that serves as a wake up call and causes a couple to work things out.
If you value your relationship with this guy, mind your business.
Once I had good info of a friends husband that was rumored to be cheating. (I saw them out to dinner and he looked guilty when I said hi and did not introduce her to me, but that was all.) My friend was working hard on the marriage and was basically unhappy. I prayed about it and decided that unless she directly asked me if I knew anything, I would not say anything. That was a far chance due to the fact that I did not have any of the same friends as they did so why would I know anything, right?
Well wouldn't you know the very next time I talked with her she forgot that I didn't know her friends and directly asked me! I told her what I knew and the rest of the marriage was history.
I have told others and it never worked out as I was always the bad guy who was sticking my nose where it didn't belong. Every time, they knew that I didn't like the spouse and every time, it was the end of our friendship. Every time I was right but it did not matter. People don't always want to face things.
Why not try to sit on it and at least get verification about it. I would even confront her first to see what her excuse would be. Once I had the same rumor about me that just about everyone believed. Problem was that it was so untrue that even my spouse laughed. We had been together the times that I was supposedly out cheating.
Just Be Careful!!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2005): I don't know where you live, but please don't practice law without a license. If you are a real friend to this guy, take him aside, and tell him what you know. He needs to know that he has support among family and friends. Ending even a bad marriage takes a huge toll on the emotions, because men have to face the fact that they can't fix it, and that really hurts men's pride. Get him to talk to a lawyer about his rights in a divorce. In the States, the division of property and debts, and the issue of support is not contingent on who is responsible for the marriage going south. It has been more than 30 years since " she got the gold, I got the shaft" was the divorce law here.
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