| A
male
,
*egendCJS
writes: I love my girlfriend very much, but she has told me she has a long and varied history with guys that she is deeply ashamed of, and her worry that she could lose me when I learn of it is tearing her up. I've heard a small part of it, and its pretty heavy stuff. I am very disturbed of what my reaction will be to the whole thing, but I am confident that it will not end us. How do you suggest I handle this, and also ease her concerns? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2005): I guess I have a different take on what "disturbing" might be. If she has been on the receiving end of multiple gang bangs for years, I am guess that she has self-esteem issues that didnt magically clear up in a single day. Unless you really see something in her you would probably be wise to move on. Depending on the details, she could be a major fixer uper and you will probably need to expect backsliding too. Make sure you think the upside is worth it. If you think it is make sure to jump in with both feet to help her sort out her issues.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2005): If you love someone, you take her, unconditionally, the way she came to you. That includes her past. Listen to her, and be nice. If she feels she owes it to you to tell you about her past lovers before you go further, listen and be supportive. This is obviously something that really bothers her, and means a lot to her to get off her mind. Then tell her you love her, and what has taken place before is past. You are part of her present and future. You certainly can talk to her about whether she still wants to have sex with other men besides you, and you should ask her to teach you how to pleasure you, particularly if it is obvious that her experiences have taught her more about sex than you know now. But, your job will be to teach her, too, how to pleasure you. Everyone is different. What she knows works with many other men may not do anything for you. That is part of the reason that what her past is doesn't really matter. Both partners start out at square one when they begin a new relationship. Don't ask her tocompare your performance to any of her past lovers. again, we are all different. All men are apples and oranges, so don't expect a comparison. ( All women are different too.) If you play with her, and have fun with her, and learn how to pleasure her, and she learns how to pleasure you, and you find you both agree on how much sex you both like, you are a long way to being compatible. If someone from her past introduces himself, take the high road. Thank him for making her the wonderful lover she is today. aHe will probably be shocked that she has told you all about her past. She is what she has learned to be, good and bad. If you didn't like her, you wouldn't have been attracted to her.
...............................
|
