A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I've been with my boyfriend for a year now, we are in a long distance relationship. I've noticed that lately he's getting very distant, he'd rather spend his time playing video games with his friends, we can go for days without talking to each other. We already have future plans together, i'm just waiting for him to finish college to be with him. The problem is, I have that constant feeling in my gut telling me "He's not the one". I always think about what if i met someone who's more amazing than my current boyfriend, someone who's better, someone who will always put me first and will have time for me. Is it normal to think that way?I feel like the only reason I'm with my boyfriend right now is because I have ths fear of being lonely. I feel like i can easily leave him once I find someone else who's more compatible. My boyfriend and i have nothing in common, our conversations are so boring. The fact that we don't talk for days doesn't even bothers me really. I already feel like i'm on my own in this relationship. My boyfriend told me that once he's done with college he's going to have more time for me and that he's going to change, but i'm not sure he will.P.S. My boyfriend takes a lot of depressing pills coz he used to have some issues with his family as a kid. Sometimes i think that he can't feel anything and he's careless because of the pills he takes. Who knows, his feelings towards me might not even be true, maybe it's just the pills making him feel things that he's not aware of.What do you guys think?
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long distance, the pill, video games Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2013): Trust your feelings. That is your whole essence telling you what to do.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2013): So basically you already know that he's not the one, and that you haven't broken up with him only because you're scared to be alone. Well this is at least a good start, as you have done a lot of soul searching and have much more clarity than many people who are unhappy in their relationships but still don't know why.You're asking what to do given the above facts? Well, your choices as you have presented them to yourself are to either break up with him now, or wait until you find someone 'better' and then break up with him.However, while the second option feels safer and less scary, it is also less honorable. In fact it's quite unethical for the following reasons:(a) how are you going to know if any new guy you meet in the future is "better" and thus when it's safe to leave your current bf, unless you know the new guy well enough to make that judgment? that means you need to be carrying on with a new guy past the friendship level, basically test-driving a new relationship, while STILL with your current bf and presumably you woudlnt' want your bf to know you're trying things out with a new guy because what if he also turns out to not be "the one" you would want to keep your current bf around longer, right? but test driving a new relationship or trying to start something with someone new while still with your current bf, is cheating.(b) By staying with your current bf while actively wishing and looking for an exit strategy (whether or not you find one), you are basically using him. You are using him as a security blanket, which is selfish and manipulative.therefore, I would advise you instead to either take the leap and break up with him now and deal with being alone (you will be OK, it is not the end of the world) because that's the more honorable solution to not wanting to be with him, or if you're simply too scared to be alone for even a second then you are going to have to accept that you will always be with him (unless he leaves you) and try to somehow make peace with that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2013): he's not the one for you, you know it in your heart. break up, start getting out&meeting people in real life and i'm sure you'll find an amazing guy in no time:)
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 June 2013):
 Have you and this character ever actually "met" in-the-flesh??????
If not... then you are banking a lot of emotions and feelings on a guy who you have NO REASON to believe that he is actually who he SEZ he is.....
"Long distance" and "cyber" relationships are famously fragile..... Spend a little time and find out more before you let this one go any further....
Good luck....
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