A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I don't know if anyone is in the same position! I'm 37 and have a daughter of 10. I married a man 3 years ago after much stress on both sides. Both our previous partners had, had affairs and left us with a child. So we are now married with a child each which equals a step child each(one 10 mine and one 15). Also My hubby has an older child (19)who chose to live with mum. He is claiming incapacity benefit(UK) and feels now that he would be better off if it wasnt for me and my baggage!! But my daughter adores him after her dad was verbally and a little physically abusive to me! Now my hubby is very depressed, Sometimes he can be adorable and nice to my child but a lot of the time he is really hard to live with and I find it quite hard to protect my daughter! He had also recently become physically abusive although this is probably my fault as I keep asking him what he expects from me and this annoys him.. Can anyone give me advice?? my daughter doesnt wnat another divorce and this is what drives me to put up with the pain. She dotes on this guy and I must admit I personally dont want any upheaval!!! Pleas help anyone!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2007): Hi Love,
You cant live this way... He would be better off without you and your baggage!!!.. Why are you baggage now? He is deppressed ok so this may have something to do with the reason he is the way he is, you dont say why he is on benefit.... If you were no longer there would HE feel less of a liability, As he is treating you as if you are one.. Either way these reasons give him no right to treat you AND your daughter this way sweetheart... As your daughter will notice as things will get worse and you are already blaming yourself for his violent behaviour, You say you dont want the upheaval hunny thats what your getting now, This is a huge upheaval in your life, Not only are you worried sick about your daughter you have to face day to day abuse..
If your daughter were in this situation in the future would you hesitate to help her get away.......
My daughter is 10 and ive been through abusive relationships and I would not let this happen ever again, I do understand you are so frightened of hurting you daughter, but hunny its going to happen anyway, your daughter would understand if you explained some of the situation to her I had to do this with my son and he couldnt pack fast enough, Its not going to be easy as your all confussed and hurt at the moment and I no you just cant face another broken relationship.
You didnt break it!!!! Dont stay love he is hurting you and your child mentally and physically as long as he hurts you he hurts your daughter, Victim support can help you there number should be in the phone directory, If you need to chat then message me TAKE CARE OF BOTH OF YOU LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2007): I was SO sad to read that you think its "your fault" that he is physically abusive because you ask him what he expects from you and it annoys him. He has clearly eroded all of your self esteem. It is NEVER your fault if someone is abusive to you!
I'm sure your daughter would not enjoy the short term pain of a divorce but do you think she would want you to be so unhappy! When she grows up she would feel terrible that you stayed with someone who treated you like rubbish, just for her sake!!
Just think about what he is saying ..he would be "better off without you and your baggage"..have some pride and tell him where to go!!!!
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A
male
reader, Chippy334  +, writes (25 August 2007):
 I'd say as a child that was in that situation once before don't stay with him for your daughter she will understand and if not you can explain it to her why you did what you did. good luck and I hope things turn out ok.
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (25 August 2007):
Yeah. Divorce him, it's the only way. You don't want that, I know, but it sounds like you two didn't get married under the best of circumstances. It will be hard on you and the kids at first, but it's not worth sticking around. He's abusive and it is only a matter of time before this spreads to him abusing the kids too.
Actually, he counds like he could be bi-polar too.
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