A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, thanks in advance for reading my letter and I apologize because the english is not my first language. First of all I am in a relationship with this wonderfull guy for like 7 months. In many ways we are alike, but in other ways we are extremelly different, I am very outgoing and expresive and he is very shy and inexpressive, also there is strong cultural differences between us. I am hispanic and he is eastern european. Again he is a wonderfull guy, he does everything to please me, he remembers everything about myself. However when we first start dating I used to live like 2 hours away from him so we was only able to see eachother once a week. But like one month ago I moved way closer to him(like 30-45 minutes, I didn't do that move because of him, it was because of other circunstances).He was excited about the idea of seeing eachother more often, now we are seeing eachother 3 times a week. We both have very tight schedules with our jobs. When we are together everything is perfect. But the problem comes when I have sometimes to do all the planning for the times we see each other. I have told him about this, and he always tell me that he was going to call me to meet, but i did it first. One thing is true, he has never say no to a single time that I asked him to meet. We share strong feelings for eachother, and he is always worry about my health, because i don't have good health. I know he is bad at planning, because his friends complain about that a lot. Also I know that he is the kind of person that if he is going to go out at 8pm he would start calling every body at 7pm. With this behavior I kind of feel that I am not enough important, and at the same time, I know that he has give up time with his friends to be with me, so at this point I don't know what to think.I came from a 5 years relationship with a guy that was verbally abusive with me, but at the same time he would do all the planning with the dates, he would want to spend 24 hours with me. So i am in a complete different situation that I don't know if it is normal or not. Also, is 3 times a week normal for a couple to see eachother? Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be with him 24/7. I also want to add that I have some trust issues, for me is dificult to trust in someone, because my family have always reject me, so sometimes I don't know when I am the one with the problem and when I am not.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2008): Hi thanks for the responses, responding your question starismine1, I am his first serious relationship he has, and he has told me before that this is the first time that he really has that much feelings for someone else, and this is the first time that he really feel that good with someone, I have had that conversation with him and he always say that he is confortable seeing eachother with the same frequency that we are doing it right now, but that he is not good at planing. At the fist stage of our relationship there was a component of commitment phobic, he was in a duality that he didn't wanted to be in a relationship but at the same time he loved me so with the time he changed and now he accept that we are in an exclusive relationship. When we don't see eachother we normally everyday call each other or text or send emails.
A
female
reader, starismine1 +, writes (20 September 2008):
 Your relationship has changed from one where you were 2 hours away and saw each other once a week to now you are close enough to be together more every other day. So you moved closer and now you initiate the calls to get together and you feel like his apathy may be due to not being as into you as you want him to be. I would suggest asking him how comfortable he is in seeing you as much as 3x a week and see what he says (although he may be reluctant to truthfully tell you he isn't as keen to see you that oftenn). He may really only want to be with you once a week and have a more casual relationship than you want. When you call, he may not be comfortable telling you this and just agrees to see you. He may be commitment phobic. What is his past relationship history with women? Has he ever married or lived with a woman? All this tells his story. To really know how much he cares about you, you have to stop calling him and see what he does. Then you will really know how often he really wants to be with you and get to the truth about his commitment goals in this relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2008): Hi,
It sounds like this guy is trustworthy, from what you shared. You are insecure and afraid that his inability to make plans means that you are not important to him. Some men are not good at making plans. You should tell him that while you know he is not good at planning, you would appreciate him making special plans for you at least once a month, to go to dinner, or a movie or something special. If he cares enough to try, that should say a lot. He can't change who he is, but he can make an effort to show how important that you are to him. Communication is key is any relationship, and remember, he can't change if he doesn't know there is a problem!
Hope this helps!
D
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