A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I have some concerns about my husband's online activities from before we got married and up to now. When we were first getting together, he lived in another state because he was stationed there with the Air Force. So I moved there to be with him. This felt like it was a good idea and it seemed to work out for us. However, one day I accidentally came across a folder on one of his old thumb drives and it was pictures of his women friends' vaginas and their nipples and such. Also, a few pictures of him receiving oral sex from one of their "friends". I confronted him when he got home and he explained that they were all old pictures from his last deployment those girls sent those to him for fun and the girl the pictures with him was before his last deployment and they are just friends. Well i accepted that, how can i blaim him for things that occurred before i even came into the picture. But I felt very insecure still because all of these so called women friends were still on his MySpace and always flirting and sending him messages with cutesy nicknames for him. This got the better of me and I began to check his account and also his yahoo account as these women were on his yahoo as well. That is when i found in his old emails that he joined an Adult friend finder.com site but i checked and it wasnt ever used activy but he did make a profile on it. I was very bothered but it was not enough to confront him about and then have to admit I checked his account.. I was ashamed I did that but I couldnt stop. Now some time later, i still check occasionally because every once in a while i think of those things and they sort of haunt me. But the newest thing is i found his his sent mail that he was trading pictures with a woman that found him on HotorNot.com (i knew he was on this site before we got together but assumed it had been inactive as well). I did not see the pictures but in the emails he mentions not normally taking pictures like that. It made me believe he took nude photos to trade with her. There were only about 3 or 4 emails back and forth about the photos and that was it. The worst part about this though is that is that the date on those emails was 2 months before he proposed to me! So now I feel like, he still had the urge to interact with women online just before asking me to be his wife. I mean, i have never gotten any indication that he did anything more than trade pictures and join that Adult friend finder. So for all i know, he could have simply been curious but that still doesnt make me feel any better. Anyway to conclude, we feel happy and he appears very dedicated to our marriage and making me happy and alays tries to reassure me if i get insecure about anything. But I cant let go of those things. Last, he is now deployed to Iraq for 4 more months and find myself checking his accounts almost daily now worrying that he will revert to doing those things since he is far away and bored/lonely. I found a email in his trash bin on his email that he had tried to check out an adult webcam yahoo group but when it sent a confirmation to his emai he just deleted it. So I was happy to see his chose not to accept it but I dont see why he even went to look. I mean, I dont mind him looking at porn over there at all. But not interactive stuff like chatting, trading pictures, or webcams.... I feel so worried constantly and am now seeing a counselor to figure out how to sort out my feels and fears as well as understand myself and work on my insecurities. I want out marriage to work. Like I said, he hasnt ever shown me any reason to think he has done more than trade pics and look at interactive sites which could just be male curiousily... My friend told me she thinks guys just cant help themselves..and I think i agree. I have decided I need to tell him when he comes home that I looked at his accounts and that I have seen those things. I have to get it out because it is eating at me. But I do worry about it.. I want us to be happy. All I really want is to see he is not doing those things while he is gone and then I want it to be out on the table that I know the things he has done then work past it. Does this sound possible? Am I over thinking all of this stuff?Thank you, please help.
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male
reader, cumasoon  +, writes (10 November 2008):
i would say that believe him and dont ask he will deny it and also cause a fight rather keep track of him and maybe try speakto him about thr things u see but in a diiferent way dont mention u seen his things. e.g. u seen naked women ask him like what u like bout me what favorite part of me an read cosmo to hope i can b of help he should realise how luky he his best luk
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, yes I was trying to keep things interesting with us and now that he is deployed we do alot of things to keep it spicy including use a web cam and write each other "stories". My question is will it hurt us for me to admit to him that I have been checking on his activity? I don't want to hurt our marriage and I am for at this point doing my very best to believe in him and work through my own issues. I don't want things between us, I want us to be open and honest and work through together with us both on the same page.
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A
male
reader, cumasoon +, writes (29 October 2008):
wow sounds pretty confusing and tough. but anyway from guys opinoin men love forbidden fruit but they realise the bitterness of it later so i would say is believe him and also be positive or also try new sex things with him ask him what he needs n help him might help
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