A
female
age
51-59,
*iss red
writes:I was married 15years, but known him 20 am now 42. It was a strong relationship and very happy with four boy,s the result . We had up and down's but mainly up,s , he was my best friend .Nearly two year,s has gone by now since we parted because i found alot of infidelity by accident on his phone more than one person , i thought i was going to die there and then reading it . I was heartbroken , angry , ripped myself to bit's thinking it was my fault. It took along time to finaly realise it was his problem not mine . I went out on dates nothing special but always found myself either knocking on his door or going home crying my eyes out , i wanted him but didn't familiarity i suppose , security . I did meet some lovely men and they wanted to take it further that's when i knew i wasn't ready and said goodbye. But one came along 5months later called Marco immediatly i took to him , handsome , charming , affectionate , i was smitten . BUT he had a problem which effected him everytime we made love , he would have a sort of fit afterwards which frightened the life out of me , he would get angry with these as well. This went on month,s and i thought were not all perfect i realy like this man so stick with it and he liked me. But i confided in an old date and ended up having sex with him a few times which i regretted and ended it . Marco found out month,s later through chance and it all blew up in my face , by then i had told him i loved him which i did but got scared since i said it , i was insecure and raw still , i was picturing the same scene with my ex husband. Marco forgave me in a sense but alway's lashed at me the first chance and he was evil with it , emotional abuse , name calling etc and this went on up and till March this year when quite frankly had enough . He wasn,t perfect , he was hurt and thought he had the right to rip into me when he felt like it . We were out one time an i was aproached by a man i had seen a few week,s earlier, i admit i thought he was lovely and he asked for my number , which i gave quite stupidly at the time though i was thinking i need to move on , Marco can't keep talking down to me like that then next breath he loves me , it was confusing .I ended up telling Marco what i did few day's later , i was scared this man would call , we don't live together but spend nearly every night at my house . I knew that evening i did a stupid thing and when i look at Marco realise am so deep in love and want him so much but can't take the abusive talk of him . Well since March he has cooled it , very angry with me , call's me for everything but still comes to my bed at weekend's . We can't seem to say goodbye to each other there's so much still there . I have tried to tell him my side and how i feel , the regret etc but like talking to a wall. I no Marco is so deep in love with me were clutching at straws trying to hold it together . I think we can i have sorted myself out and asked myself question's , if i was happy i wouldn't of done that . I don't no how to put it all back again i want him so much and him me , he,s wary of me . I no i wont stray again i realise what i have lost now, Marco is so right for me i would do anything to get that back . I no time is one and him forgiving , but does anybody no how to put trust back ? His mind run,s wild now think,s am having sex 24/7 if only he knew i sit in and cry most night,s staring at his pictures wanting him to call and be round in my bed . I no my ex husband has messed my head up even now , i had a big wake up call that day i gave my number to another man and now am paying . Do i move on and say i tried my best or stick with it and let him vent his anger out on me for months at a time and maybe he will eventualy forgive but not forget. Trust is crucial i no that but he has to understand i was very fragile when we met still inlove with ex husband , it's taken me this long to realise i have messed it up big time . I was cheated now i turn into the cheater !! god somebody give me advice what to do . Am seeing Marco tonight and i no my heart will be sad , were so good together and i see his pain , that hurt's me badly .
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2009): You rushed into a relationship with someone after you found out the truth about your husband. Many people fear being alone or it was their fault the relationship did not work. No your x-husband was a cheater he probably always was and it is something that this is a part of him like an addiction, he will cheat on every women he is with.
You should not settle for anyone,or make excuses for them to fit in your life. Take sometime for you and find someone that you really enjoy, because if you really love him and want to be with him you would not have a wondering eye or make excuses for doing it. Spend time with the real men in your life, your 4 sons and have fun.
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (1 May 2009):
 hun you are obviously still emotionally scarred by this ex husband.
you're still not ready for that kind of relationship
you say you love marco but you went off with another man because i think you want to hurt him and feel the pain you felt when your ex husband did it.
now marco in all fairness has forgiven you but he can't keep bringing it up.
he's obviously still not over it.
i think you need to move on and just stay single for a while chill out a bit.
take it all slow.
don't rush you probably got so scared to have someone back in your life whose important.
but don't you should only be with someone when you KNOW it's right.
because that guy messed you up.
and now this guy is like being hurtful to you you don't need it.
you're already still thinking on what happend in the past you need time to set things straight with yourself and your life.
you need to decide for yourself where you want to go now if you decide Marco then talk to him and tell him how you feel or perhaps see a counsellor?
but i would strongly suggest that you stay away from men for a while just until you know you can get back into it and take things at a reasonable pace.
Hope this helps.
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