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male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: I am a teenage male with OCD and I often have disturbing sexual thoughts about my mother that I always try to shake out of my head but sometimes that doesn't work and I end up masturbating to get rid of the thought (only on a few occasions has the happened) but afterwards I feel disgusted and guilty and as hard as I'm trying to suppress these thoughts I can't and the guilt has been eating me alive, especially this week. Am I abnormal? Also please no one talk about Freud and his theories as he was a pioneer in the field of psychology and most modern psychologists have dismissed his theories as BS. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2014): As the OP after doing some research into it I've found that the person whose come closest to understanding the situation is euphoric29. I have had OCD for some time now and it is comes in several forms. These disturbing thoughts are a result of suppression and worry and there are others who have similar issues. Thanks for everyone who helped but the advice from those who don't understand the form of OCD known as 'pure-o' has just caused more fear and worry which doesn't help the situation. As I gain more knowledge of my condition and hearing the stories of others who have experienced similar events and the anxiety that follows I have been able to find ways to help myself .
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2014): Female anon (and op) yes I believe there is a good possibility his mother may not be setting adequate enough boundaries between her and her son or may be crossing boundaries that might in turn lead him to view her as an object of sexual desire. The op has likely always been around his mother, with nothing to compare it to, her behavior seems 'normal' to him. There is nothing dysfunctional to him in the way his mother behaves. He doesn't know any better. That is why it doesn't occur to him to point out her own behavior. He thinks this is something he feels independently of her and his surroundings. And more than likely, that is not the case. A baby is used to a mother dressing and bathing him, applying rash ointment to his testes (sorry if its crass, and its just an example, just want you to get the full picture.). A mother's role is all encompassing in her child's life. At what point or at what age does the 'nurturing' become inappropriate? And this 'nurturing' is often passed off as 'normal' since after all she is his mother. This becomes especially problematic when a child reaches puberty. But their relationship has not evolved. And there has been no evolution between mommy and baby and mommy and teenage son. And that just covers ONE level of this type of dynamic. But in fact a myriad of boundaries are being crossed. Often in these types of relationships the mother turns to her son to meet her emotional needs, creating confusion for him as to what his role is. Am I her son or am I her husband? Yet another confusing dynamic for him that leads to this sexual tension. This topic is so taboo, so over the level of understanding, it is often under reported and there is very little information out there about it.
Notice how people who live in an abusive household often leave at 18 not knowing how dysfunctional their household was. It's only when they leave and are out in the real world that they realize the level of dysfunction that they so blindly endured in their primary years.
There are no coincidences. Things don't just happen. They are a series of chain events that lead to a result.
And the OCD..that very well may be a symptom of a larger unexposed trauma he may have or may be enduring.
Yes I believe his mother and their relationship and her parenting style is well worth exploring.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (22 December 2014):
Dear OP,
Most people have disturbing, perverted, cruel, bizarre, violent, incestual or "disgusting" thoughts sometimes. They are able to say to themselves "WTF brain?" and then move on with their daily life without feeling guilty. Our mind sometimes needs to explore the darkest sides of our consciousness, it's a restless wanderer, exploring every possibility. Like in dreams.
So, to answer your question, just because you think sexual stuff about your mother, you're not abnormal. Incestual thoughts are quite common, just a huge taboo. Some of Freuds theories are clearly outdated, but the theory about the defense mechanisms wasn't rejected, just maybe given new names. Defense mechanisms keep away unwanted desires and thoughts from your conscious. Most people have good defense mechanisms when it comes to "f**ked up thoughts".. they ignore them, ridicule them (why do you think it's funny to say motherf**ker?), project them unto others, deny them, or sublimate them (etc.).
OCD is a disorder where people try to suppress those unwanted thoughts. Alas, suppression is not a very effective defense mechanism. OCD people end up in a struggle with their own conscious, a struggle they can't win. And their thoughts actually expand and take more space.
A succesful way of therapy is to end the struggle and to allow those thoughts to arise, to talk about them openly in a therapy setting, even if you think it's the most horrendous and unacceptable thing on earth. You can't run from your shadow. So you need to look at it, accept it.. and you'll be surprised to see it vanish.
Another first step of helping yourself could be to write down those thoughts, to explore them in private and ask yourself how they arised, what is their story, why are they haunting you. But it might make you feel even more lonely to deal with them without anybodys help.
It's better to give those thoughts some space in a controlled setting and learning how to deal with them, than to have them pop up out of the blue.
By the way, you're not alone with the pain of intrusive thoughts:
http://www.medicaldaily.com/ocd-symptoms-more-widespread-you-think-94-people-have-intrusive-thoughts-275440
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2014):
To the female anonymous aunt, I'm rather shocked at your last paragraph , you believe his mother is inspiring this response, may I ask what gives you this belief??
As, certainly there is no part of the posters dilemma that he mentions his mother running around half naked acting like a vixen on heat ..
I am a mental health nurse, and I have seen in the past a young man who would get himself turned on my bicycle tyres, would this mean his mother was sitting on one half naked enticing him . And another who would inappropriate kiss his mother stand to close etc, these boys both had OCD and one of them autism ..
To the poster, I do feel you need to express these feelings of wantoning with your therapist, I'm taking you have one as you have OCD . Some male boys are attracted to their mothers the 'Freud ' syndrome . It's only natural to some degree, if you haven't had a girlfriend , and your hormones are all racing around and if your mother is young looking .. What you need to do is focus your desire elsewhere, find a celebrity whom you think is hot and concentrate on her when in the mood,, slowly your thinking pattern will change, think of your mother having to wipe your potty bum lol when a baby. That make you think oo yuck lol
Let us know how you get on
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2014): What is your relationship like with her? Is she seductive? Does she act sexy around you? Does she flirt with you or is touchy feely with you but in a way that is more intimate than "motherly"? Does she walk naked around you a lot? Have you ever seen her having sex? Like the door was cracked or ajar? Does she ask you to scrub her back while she bathes? Does she walk in on you without knocking? Walk in on you while you are naked and acts like its no big deal? You have no sense of privacy or personal space? Does she make comments about your body? Does she confide personal things about her sex life to you? Or even just personal things that she should be talking to an adult about? Are you her confidante? Is she open about sex with you? Does she expect you to meet her emotional needs? You're her shoulder to cry on? Her protector?
If you answered yes to just one of these questions then perhaps it's not what I suspect. However, if you answered yes to two or more questions then there is likely a pattern of behavior going on around you that is causing your conflict. Your very own mother could be creating the dynamic that is creating this attraction. For the very fact that she lacks inhibitions around you. Which in turn is amounting to this air of sexual tension.
Most likely she is the one acting inappropriately, not you. Your body is merely responding to your surroundings. Naturally, you are responding inappropriately to her inappropriate behavior. She is the adult, you're the kid. This likely is a monkey see, monkey do scenario.
I believe she is inspiring this inappropriate response from you. I suggest you make an appointment with a therapist immediately or talk to a school counselor. I know you love your mom and all but what she is doing is not cool. You may need to seperate yourself from her so you can be exposed to healthy sexual dynamics. This is going to affect you for the rest of your life so it's best to confront it now. DO NOT tell your mom. Talk to a counselor, therapist and someone other than your mom who you trust.
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