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writes: Dear Cupid,I have a problem of ego. I think it is out of context and inflated. I am 23 yrs old guy and have been able to achieve things I wanted to so far. In fact I generally am able to achieve things I want to and this makes my ego grow bigger and bigger. It has become so huge now that I find it difficult to connect with common people. I have lost connection with my friends and some family members due to that. Also the expectations on me from my family keep increasing as I clear milestones in my life. And I personally take them as a challenge and try to prove my metal. Sometimes though, I believe my achievements get overemphasized and I don't think I really needed to achieve them in first place. It's just to stand up to the expectations that I work hard for them. And because I get accolades for my achievements I feel a sense of accomplishment. At the same time, I get easily embarrased about any criticisms from someone regarding my performance or thinking. It is becoming a part of my identity to be seen as an achiever and sometimes i feel its the only identity I have. I do not really socialize much either because I think its a waste of time and senseless and I don't find the social discussions much interesting.Any help would be appreciated. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2005): You are discovering that "egotism" is negatively affecting your life. Power tripping is the kiss of death for anyone who allows their ego to get the best of them. It will cloud your judgment and it will alienate family & friends, all the while giving you a false sense of self-worth. A healthy self-esteem is key to achievement but so is humility amd graciousness. Gratitude grows out attention, appreciation, and acknowledging the importance of others around you and realizing that you need to "open your mind and heart", taking time to notice those nice little things, the tiny ordinary graces in the people we love and cherish.
A good way to keep an your inflated ego at bay-is to always
define the truth about who you "really" are and a big change in attitude is the only way you can overcome this. Ask yourself, what do you value in your life as most important? I really hope you said family and friends. Because it's highly likely.. who you are today is because of the help you received from others, in your past. Yes, you worked darn hard to be a success but who taught you be strong & persevere? who laid the groundwork? gave you the love, the support you needed to be the success you are today?
Make a daily habit of taking time to reflect on the path you are headed and evaluate it against your moral compass. I truely believe an overinflated ego is a mask we wear to hide one's faults or weaknesses. It's a sad delusion that some of people think they are better than others. But once mask falls aside of its own accord, does one realize that we are all the same. We share the same fears, hopes, and dreams. You must take care not to become trapped in that imaginary world of superiority. It will bring you down.
I recommend you get involved with volunteerism. You need to be aware of the happenings in your community and open your heart to giving, unconditionally. And what about your family and friends? Make it a habit to put aside your achievements and learn to take an interest in their lives..talk to them about what they like, their goals, their aspirations or...just talk about fun, everyday things. I think you have realized that focusing only on you, does turn others off & it's a shame because you are ignoring others & denying yourself the wonderful opportunity of foster meaningful friendships. Take the focus of YOU and learn to admire the goodness and kindness in others. You see, one's "superior attitude" fails to teach them the value of others. And that attitude results in the opposite of what you seek. That is, instead of showing how great you are, it merely broadcasts your own self-doubt and insecurity. It is like a bald man wearing an ill-fitting wig; No one is fooled.
I'm sure you'll agree that the emptiest people in the world those who are full of themselves? The bigger the head, the smaller the heart, and the smaller the heart, the less we will attract others. So, egotists are not merely people who think too much of themselves; they're also people who think too little of others. If we could only recognize how wonderful each of us is, there would be no need for it. Our gratitude for the help we have received by offering help to others is crucial to your happiness.
Another thing you might consider is seeking some counseling from a professional..who can give you a better perspective of how egotism will negatively impact your life. I wish you well...strive to be happy and give of yourself..to others!
Hugs, Irish
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