A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I recently had a long relationship (2yrs) with a woman, who is still technically married, and only recently seperated. I have duriing this relationship met her 3 times, I live in the UK and she in Texas. I know inside she is all I have ever wanted. But I am needy and intensely lonely, I had other female friends, to whom I made it clear that I had a girlfriend, but to my gf I hadn't. My gf found out and went nuts, she told me she never wanted to speak to me ever again. In my insecurity I went onto dating sites, to connect with other women, and then I got back together with her, but then the whole thing repeated when I wanted to be honest with her. This turned into a vicious circle that happened many times, I have not physically cheated ever on her, but I have spoken to other women, I knew inside what I wanted, it was her, but I was also afraid of her leaving me, and then I would be alone, I just want to have the correct woman in my life so we can get on with a relationship in the real world. 2 years later, I told her I needed a break after she pretended and continually messaged me - on facebook, as an imposter who wanted to date me, - she used the knowledge of my ideal woman against me, I told this so called girl that I didn't want to have anything to do with her, but again and again she harrassed me (obviously this as my gf testing me) - My gf explained that it was her and that she didn't want to be with me anymore, because of this, I was upset and it has done more mental damage to me that I can say, I was already seeing a psychologist to support with me being brought up minus love from my parents (who continually beat and abuse me), I told her that I wanted a break, she explained that she was heartbroken, and now I am not phoning her, or anything, but I am on the inside, in a great deal of pain. Just looking for advice. Should I get back with her? Should I find someone else? What? I know one thing, I broke her trust, but she was willing to have me back many times.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): this so sounds like me and my ex, 2 years and met only several times, different continents, except the facebook harrass thing i almost thought its him post this, but now i cut all ties and stick to no contact, coz we both know even with the great chemistry between us, still it wont go anywhere, so, taking ur time, make new friends, it doesnt need to be romantically involved, just take ur thoughts from her, u will over her and find someone is nearer
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (6 April 2011):
 This whole thing sounds like a big mess if I'm honest - it started off as an affair with a married woman, it is VERY much long distance, you dont entirely trust that she will stay with you (probably based on the fact that this started off as an affair, so if she will cheat on one man chances are she will cheat on you too), and she clearly doesnt trust you either (hence the fake facebook thing). You are bringing out the worst in each other, playing upon each other's insecurities and dragging each other down in the process. I really dont think you are good for each other from the sounds of things and it would be best if you moved on. Even if you both agreed to wipe the slate clean and start again, you would still have the distance as a major issue, and you would still be struggling with the fact she is still married and going through divorce proceedings. You have said yourself - you want the correct woman to have a relationship with in the real world. And this woman cannot provide you with that, if you carry on trying to keep this alive you are just flogging a dead horse. What you need is to meet a woman who is 100% single (not seperated, married, going though a divorce etc) and who lives in the same country at least. Build a relationship that is based on seeing each other frequently, where there are no reasons to cause you not to trust each other (i.e. one person is still involved with someone else). So give yourself time to heal from this, dont rush into something new when you clearly have feelings for your ex. Just take time out to get over her, remove her from your life and when you start to feel ok about it all, that is when you can think about dating again. I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): I can only speak from my own experience that the less complicated we attempt to make our life the less 'stuff' we have to deal with emotionally. I was on and off with a guy and we did not have an honest relationship this went on for 10 years. It took me 18 months without a relationship at all to look at my life through fresh eyes and now I feel lighter than ever emotionally. I understand that love is not always that straightforward but the situation you describe has brought you nothing but trouble and heartache. As you are feeling the pain of this situation I would recommend starting from the basics for yourself - self-care in that you focus on your health, eating right, sleeping well, finding a hobby and get the foundations right. By keeping this unhealthy relationship going you are just perpetuating misery. It's time to move on with your life surely??
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