A
male
age
36-40,
*emikeli
writes:Hey everyone,I have to resort to these matters, because it has long surpassed what my best friends can do and I don't really think I can hold my mentality for much longer.My problem is, as it's probably common in here, I have no success with women at all.To better illustrate the depth of the thing, I'm 20 years old and yet the physically furthest I've ever been with a girl was when a long-time friend sat on my lap.I don't think there's any superficial reason for it to happen. I'm healthy, studying on a very respected college for a very respected degree, I don't do alcohol nor drugs (including tobacco) and I'm honestly not bad looking at all - girls actually usually compliment my looks.Sometimes I think THAT is the trouble. Girls usually go for big flaws. Sometimes it gets on my nerves when I see rude, troublemaking guys get nearly any girl they want while I'm always left alone.My mentality also changes a lot. The variations are as it follows. - Not caring at all thinking it'll all will just be a nuisance to my carefree life. (This one is most common when I feel the less stressed, like vacations.)- Feeling I just wouldn't cope with interacting with any other girl because of a certain one I've never been able to fully forget since I was 13 years old. (Completely different story - might post about it later).- Thinking only girls I've known well are worth a shot.- Going for broke with any girl that appears to be a serious person. Since that last line might be hard to understand, I think I need to explain it further. I never, ever, ever, consider girls who go for brainless chats and act like they want to call all attentions. Problem is, many of them are like this to a certain degree. The only kind of girls save occasional but rare exceptions I can actually be interested on is the quiet, thinkative, deep-thoughts chat type.Yes, I know that acting this way doesn't help my case - not only there aren't many of them, but they're also more closed to themselves which makes things harder for a guy to enter their "intimacy shield". But I don't think it's a big enough reason for going on such a life-long streak of failing.It's not as if I feel this bad because I don't get any of those - hey, at least it'd be like it was my own option to live that way.What really makes me feel bad is that I never sense any interest from any girl including those that don't appeal to me - it's like a "no chance at all" mark stuck on my forehand.Back on the general topic, I don't know what it might be related. I have some anti-social tendencies derived from a light version of Asperger Syndrome, even though they've been getting "normalized" as age and life experience keeps going forward. Even though I have a need physical contact like most human beings, for some reason I tend to avoid it without thinking. It's depressing as I think it might give the impression that I don't want contact when it's not true but people won't understand.I'm also completely inept at reading the unspoken messages human contact is made of. A number of times I've been asked by friends why did I avoid this or that girl that was blatantly trying to get near me. It wasn't all that blatant to me. Actually, I had not noticed it at all. I don't recognize those movements, and even most times I think I'm sensing some interest I'm wrong (this kind of poor judgement has given me a couple of bad moments).I'm not really asking for help on how to get with a girl since that's just not going to happen - I feel it's all about a biological or pathological or whatever disorder on my brain that completely prevents me from reacting as it's normal for human beings.Granted, it makes me feel miserable. Just because I have some kind of syndrome it doesn't make me feel any less bad from missing out on the simplest of interactions with girls. And of course, girls won't side with me out of pity (I wouldn't want this anyway) and they won't adapt themselves to my own reactions. It seriously pains me to think I can't have anything and it's out of my reach to get it.What I'm asking is, what can do I to be comfortable with not even knowing what basic pleasing acts (i.e. cuddling) feel like?Last words: If you're planning to write about how everyone has their times and I have to be patient until the right person comes which will definitely happen ... please don't. It won't, and I've had enough with people telling me it will. Even it does, I'll somehow subconsciously find a way to block the move out of fear as it's usual anyway.
View related questions:
best friend, drugs Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, skids1  +, writes (18 February 2011):
Be confident with women, that's what they long for. Hence why they date guys with inflated egos that treat them bad.
A
female
reader, i might be a girl but i can help  +, writes (24 September 2007):
 you are so picky and you put yourself down and when a girl comes up to you, you have come to belive that no girl wants you, so when a girl is interseted you push them away or show no signs even if the girl isn't your type be happy a girl does like you. having no confidence gets you know where, always thinking no one wants you. and waiting for them to come to you that is not a good idea if you want the ladies make some effort instead of sitting in the corner watching your mates having fun get out than and talk to those lovely talkive girls you so want. get your girl friends to help you want do find out what girls like,go to parties and drink it makes it easier to talk to girls i have to have one glass of wine to give me the confidence to go out there and talk to you guys.
be yourself and enjoy life if you not enjoying it do something different make your life more intersenting, so what if the education you are taking you some where high in the world it sounds like you are not enjoying what you are doing which makes you feel down.
any way good luck hunny. xxxxxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, Emaz help +, writes (24 September 2007):
 C'mon darling
push yourself to talk to these lovely ladies!!!
I'm sure that when you make the first move, they'll make the second!
And you wont mess it up! I promise, us girls will help you out with the conversation, i promise. ok?
Just take a chance, you wont know if you're gonna mess it up until you've actually done it!
And even if you did mess it up, jusy laugh about it after.
The other day i was on my own and these builders were loking at me me so i looked back smiling then guess what?........I fell over!! Both me and these builders were in hysterics and we got talking afterwards!
Honestly, you can do it!
Other boys do it, what makes you think they can do it and you can't?
:)
...............................
A
male
reader, Kemikeli +, writes (24 September 2007):
Kemikeli is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answer, Emaz Help!But really, if it was THAT simple I wouldn't need to be desperate enough to ask strangers for help.1) I have absolutely no idea how to flirt. I rarely do it (when I do it's all by instinct) because I think eventually something will screw it up, and indeed most of the times I try I always end up being sure I messed up somewhere.2) I smile a lot.3) I do ask people about themselves.4) I don't judge people by their looks. Looks is just a vehicle to get interested faster, it means nothing on the real deal. I am very open on that part.5) Once again, I don't really go talk to girls because I'm THAT sure I'll mess up somewhere and I don't want to take the risk. I think that this over-calculation that screws me is some kind of symptom of some disorder the danged syndrome brings me.Really, I'm not doing any of the basics wrong except for being hesitant on pushing forward. It's all about the details, that's why I can't work it out by myself.
...............................
A
female
reader, Emaz help +, writes (24 September 2007):
Just be yourself
Flirt more, don't act too friendly
Compliment any girl you talk to
Smile a lot
Ask her about herself
Also don't judge a girl by her looks, she could be just what you've been waiting for!
Don't wait for the girl to come and talk to you, talk to her first, she'll like that.
Theres just a few tips.
...............................
|
