A
male
age
36-40,
*aogwan
writes:I have no focus in my life I want to be successful bt just cant visualise it. My self esteem is low I feel i cnt do things etc. I feel like crap n that I have no1 to talk to or no one who would understand me. All of these issues have been caused because of my GF because of past relationships. She is my first gf so i feel i am not experienced over the course of our relationship i have been starting to feel like crap i want to tell her but dont want to bring up the subject. I am also feeling down because of family n not having anywhere to live and living at moms on the sofa as she only has a one bedroom flat. My mom is a widow so i feel i should be taking care of her which I feel is my duty as her only son. But living with her is driving me mad. Its driving me mad as she doesnt do certain thing correctly such as cleaning and I keep having to do its like looking after a child. I feel really down about my life just cant b bothered with anything. I have just graduated but cannot be bothered to even get a job. Someone help me sort myself out before it gets worse please! thank you. I want to take of my mom!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): Hi then you must first of all take care of yu, or you will be no good to take care f anyone, as you knw. Depression and low self esteem will lift when you make a positive step to change everything around you that bothers you. You need to start believing in yourself, is the degree in what YOU want? can you take a look at yourself and know yu are not happy with your life how it is,so you know what you dont want that can be a first step in a positive direction. dont look to forward at the moment as yu may not envition anything....only because yu may not be on your pathway just yet. then see what you can change relatively easyTry and just think of the moment the day that you can change things in a positive way, if you can get a rota made up of domestic duties (if your mum can do things) if we do too much for thers we actually end up disabeling them if they are capable of doing it themselves. ARE you a carer? if so i think you could have carers strain stress, it does exist and is probably draining you, if your mum does need to be cared for there is help you know, you d not have to take on so much yourself. I understand you wanting to care for yur widowed mum BUT you are sacrificing your own life and self when maybe you do not need too. You could help your mum by ..1. try and get her to take sme self responsibility.2. ASK FOR OUTSIDE HELP if you think mom needs it.3. you then start looking after you.4. caring for a loved one is very very hard and demanding and takes its toll on the carer in many ways, emotionally draining.If you have taken the responsibility and role of carer i think this is the reason you feel like you do... time to rest for yu and sit back ON YOUR OWN somewhere and looooook at what you want, never ever feel bad or guilty for handing this role over to others who are less emotionally invlved, they often dont feel the frustrationsas involvd carers do. I speak from four years experienceof becominga carer for close freind, the more i did for him the less he did for himself, the more sacrifices i gave up, the more i lost, work promotion opportunity,a once in a life time job in africa, the more he got depressed the mre it pulled me down with him, the more frustrated he got the more i felt i was not doing a god enugh job of caring, the more he started to insult me and take me for granted the more self esteem left me, the day he died was the day i had no life left in me as i had totaly given my whole life and self to this role. I had to totally rebuild my life and sense of self because i got lost somewhere and he never even said goodbye! if you can see what i am saying although extreem and i dont know your full situation be careful that you are not on this pathway.with hindsight i should have let other carers take on this role,and helped out occationally and let him get off his backside sometimes( because he was able to do so) and i should have gone to africa....but i did'nt. I am not saying i have regrets i am just saying i passed up opprtunity when i did not need to, and neither should you.P's your mum is not a child and you are nt responsible because you are her only son, help her by letting her see that you are growing in life.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2008): hey-i just wrote the long comment- but i just read now that youre upset over your GF too?speak to her-i bet she doesnt even know how you feel. communication is important in a relationship! trust me!is your self esteem low because you dont feel good enough for her?what you have to remember is that she is with you for a reason so feel proud!but have a nice convo with her and tell her how you feel. surley she will want to kno!love and god blessfriend x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2008): hey!im your age, and plenty of my mates are too.i was diagnosed with depression this year.i have flopped uni and i may have to repeat my year (thats if they let me back in :s)i was depressed because i lost my uncle three years ago-and for some reason the shock of his loss kicked in this year.to top it off my fam had their own issues which i had to tackle-like you i wished that i could have taken care of them all. i eventually went to the doctors and broke down because i spoke to someone for the first time. she gave me some pills which i never took simply because i knew that i wasnt ill i was just going through a hard time.my friends, have all graduated-and for some reason theyre all signing on to the dole lol they cant find jobs anywhere.my advice to you is that:i under stand wanting to look after a loved one is important-but you have to sit her down and work out some way in which you can both live together and how to do the housework and stuff properly. dont leave her stranded just yet. let her get herself together before you decide to move out. it would have been easy for me to have told you to leave but i am not going tooo because family always comes first. However, stop beating your self up over the fact that you wish you could take away the bad stuff- if that was possible then we all would have done it already-but the fact is we have to accept our present situation in life. everything happens for a reason. i have had to learn this alone and once you can accept the situation you are in-it is only then you can move foward. do not be sad about where you are right now in life.As for your uni and job-dont stress! there are plenty of people our age stuck in this rut! its hard finding the ideal job. i would advise you not to stop looking, complete the dream you started. you are half way there with your degree. Ive had plenty of jobs, and what i tell everyone is that 1. have a good cv-dont have no crap on it about 'school councils' - ur cv must be straight to the point no longer than 2 pages. 2. be confident-when or if you get an interview be confident-shake hands with everyone-smile and be polite-think of three reasons for what makes you a good candidate. and 3. go to job centre plus, join some agencys for work- all you have to do is give them your cv and take i.d with you.if you have no money-you could sign on for now-go to job centre for more advice and you could get a few quid wont be a lot but it will keep you going untill you find a job.remember any work experience is experience-so if you get a job in something you dont want-dont turn it down! take the job as you will get references for the ideal job you find later on. DONT GIVE UP!!!! :)you can do it-find the strength within you and have faith in the gooood lord-everything shall come to you when the time is right!!!!love and god blessfriend xx
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A
male
reader, Phsyciatrist-to-be +, writes (23 July 2008):
 Fist off, if your mum is capable enough, she can pretty much look after herself. You shouldnt worry so much about her. At 22-25 years old, she is most certainly not your responsibility (unless she is, for want of a better term, 'mentally challenged'). There's no reason why you cant hire a nurse or something, and drop every now and again to see her if you want.Second, there's no reason you should be living in her flat anymore. You need to focus on your job, or if you dont already have one, get one! You need something to work at, something to keep you busy. If you start off small, then you can be sure of a constant income whilst you search for something bigger: look for something you enjoy doing, and see if you can get some money out of it. If you're doing something you like, it'll be much easier to visualise yourself succeeding. And if the job pays enough, you'll be out of your mother's flat in no time.Your girlfriend will always be there for you. That's one of the responsabilties you take on in a relationship: being there for the other person. If she cant comfort you, no one can. Talk to her, tell her you dont feel as though you're meeting standards and you feel like crap. She'll help you through everything.The first step is to get a job. Or, if you have one, get a more well paid one. Then move out of your mother's flat, and start working toward something. Something you love doing. If you do nothing all the time, you wont get anywhere, and this feeling will get worse.Godd luck.
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