A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have no real friends.......only acquaitences but thats it.....my "friends" wouldn't even care if i was around..........i have no one i can call a real friend.........i just think im not meant to have friends..........no one ever ask me to do anything on weekends or anything..........i try to ask them to do something but i always get no response or they would be busy hanging out with someone else...........i stay at home everyday browsing on myspace and look at all the happy people, smiling, laughing with their fulfulling life............ i've been called "dumb" all my life by my father...........i'm starting to believe i am................i get C's and D's because i do not understand most material in school and i lack attention span..................i am dumb............... i don't know what my goals in life are............... i have a social aniexty disorder and depression.........also, avoidant personality disorder......i avoid getting to know people or being around a long period of time..........because i feel like i can't fit in or that they wouldn't even want to be near me or talk to me anyways.......... i hide in the bathroom stall to avoid people...........sometimes eat in there because i don't want people to see me eatting alone.............. i have no medications because my parents do not believe me and they do not want to "waste" money......................you do not know how its like to be like me...............this feeling is very, very horrible.........if i told my parents my disorder..........they would call me "crazy" or think i am lying, just trying to get attention..............................i had a best friend 1 year ago but she erased me out of her life for some reason and has a new best friend....................... why do some poeple have such nice, filfulling life........you say try making friends...........like it's the easiest thing to do.......................what can i do to improve my life.......please help............
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2008): I know how you feel. All my life I have struggled with making friends and keeping friends. I'm 38 now and I still continue with the struggle. You have parents, try to let them know how you feel. Both my parents are dead now so its to late for me to try and confide in them. If you have no joy seek help from your doctor, if you are old enough to do so, they should be able to help you with perhaps some form of medication just for a little while to make you feel happier. Volunteerig is a very good way of getting involved with others and makes you feel good at the same time. Hope this helps, good luck and lots of love
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): I feel your pain...I am 28 years old and suffering from alll kinds of problems, i have everything you mentioned plus i have just been told that im bi-polar. it just seems like to live life its so hard on me i feel like what is my purpose here. i have only 1 so called real friend and 4 associates and thats it. so i feel everything that your going thru but worst i am currently depressed and fighting off an anxiety attack when i seen this and decided to reply to see if that would calm me down and it has. so for you your still young you can get past this. i also had an verbally abusive parent but loved me so dearly but called me all king of things that wasnt very nice and i took all that and held it inside. My advice to you is to try and get some help on your own and stop listening to all the negative things your parents say, its gonna be hard but if you want to get better you have to. if the call your dumb say to yourself that your smarter than them you have to beat them at their own game. Wow didnt know i was gonna type so much but i have calmed down a whole lot from just typing to try and help another great person that needs that uplifting. please take care of yourself and i hope i helped.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2008): Stop listening to negative things people say. Start believing in yourself. Start LOVING yyourself. You are unique and you are wonderful.
james Lycnch said: " The mandate to 'love your neighbour as you love yourself' is not just a moral mandate. It's a psychological mandate. Caring is biological. One thing you get from caring for others is you're not lonely. And the more connected you are to life the healthier you are".
Yes, it is a moutn full but there is a lot of secrets in there that can be very valuable to you.
Love yourself; start doing things for toher people, maybe some charity work, then you will not be so lonely and yes the more you are dealing with people and connecting withpeople the better you will start feeling too.
Also think about the famous word of Dale Carnegie:
"You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years of trying to get other people interested in you".
I think you should get out there and start showing interest in others, instead of sitting on you own feeling sorry for yourself. You have lots to offer, so "when we give of what we have, we are ready to receive what we really need"(Quote by Douglas Lawson).
Make a list of what you want, but also one of what you can offer. Start looking at places where you can get involved and starting offering your help and assitance.
Good luck, hope you feel better soon and put a big smile on that face of yours. Start believing in yourself, you can be the best of what you want to be. Andrew Chekhov said: "man is what he believes". No more negative thoughts. I want you to say like Jose Ferrer:" I am more important than my problems".
ANd some excellent advice from Lyn Karol: "Learn to laugh at your trubles and you never run out of things to laugh at".
Hugs and keep us posted.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2008): You're not alone in feeling isolated, alienated, lonely, depressed, and introverted. I've been there before. I eventually convinced myself that I didn't want to be around people. There are people who are comfortable living under a rock, and there are some who aren't.
There is a way to come out of the box. It took the intervention of one of my professors in college to tell me that I needed counseling for depression and extreme loneliness. I don't know if you're in school or not, but there are places where counseling is free: schools, churches. counceling is one option. A counselor could set you up with a physician to prescribe meds that can help you get a happier outlook on life.
This is probably not what you want to hear, but making friends is the best cure for loneliness. I say from experience, it is not easy for me to make friends, it takes me a long time for an acquaintance to become more than that. Some people are like that. Give it time. People may not want to hang out with you now. but there are other things you can do alone that arent depressing.
I got over my loneliness and depression by playing world of warcraft, a role-playing online game where i can talk to real people as i play. i met my fiance there. we'll be getting married in a year.
My biggest set of advice will be to find a friend or a productive hobby (keeping you active and involved in it). in my opinion, myspace is not a hobby that will make you happier. - good luck
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A
female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (2 December 2008):
 Hi Hunny
First of all YOU ARE NOT DUMB"!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A parent that puts this kind of feeling in your head as you grow will make you believe this and not believe in yourself..I have dealt with social phobia and I agree 100% it is not nice its quite the opposite and you feel cut of from the outside word..Your father has put this in you head hunny so you will think that everyone feels and thinks the same.
Im not going to tell you its easy as its not...But I will tell you that with time and belief in yourself that you can prove people wrong..
My son had a lack of attention span and he now works in investments and is doing very well he is only 19yrs of age but all through school I would get calls saying he looks out of the window more than concentrate and he has no chance of passing any exams..I told that teacher that it was her job to teach not to tell me what my son would and could not do and if she had told him the same then I'm not surprised he spent his time looking out the window...It is possible for you to change your life around sweetheart, Any clubs in your area that need volunteers? There are many children out there that have no hope no friends and are just looking for someone to understand them..I work in a home for brain damage and there is a woman there who hits people, Now she gets sent to her room by everyone including the other clients in the home she is shouted at constantly and when I first went there she would not sit down she would just walk around getting angry, Why? Because she was being trated badly and her hitting was a form of attention any form of attention worked for this lady of 60yrs of age been sent to her room like a naughty child..I spoke with her over the months and now she comes to me for a hug as hugs are free and we sit and talk about how frustrating it is to be unwell and have no one understand and this last month she has sat with me watching me work and even joining in and complimenting others on there hair and clothes, At first no one again took notice of her so I had to repeat what she said so they would acknowledge her and appreciate that she was making a huge effort to try and change her way of searching for attention..She is I would say 70% better now and is getting better all the time...
FAITH IN YOURSELF! Look for places that need voluntary help even if its just once a week put yourself out there to help others, Don't let others make you feel bad, Don't let others put you down, If they do as hard as it is ignore it PROVE PEOPLE WRONG! When you feel better about you then people will see this change from your personality and your body language....Look for self esteem tips on the net anything to help you look forward hunny..And if you need a chat at any time please message me, Don't feel alone. You are an individual someone very special with special quality's don't ever think otherwise...get on the net and look for ways to boost your self esteem and don't eat in the bathroom, I prefer sometimes to sit on my own with my lunch and a book or a mag, Yes we all need friends sweetheart and this will come when you start having faith in yourself and not believing that you are dumb...Think the opposite and be strong in yourself...TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOTS OF LOVE AND HUGS AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2008): Hi - I don't have time to leave a long response but I suffer from a lesser form of what you have...I know making friends is hard and I have only a couple and that was just luck. It is a terrible feeling- the anxiety. I've cried myself to sleep many a night, and I have probably negative feelings of self-worth. I've had a few anxiety attacks and have felt completely hopeless. i'm still in the process of trying to figure out how to handle this, but i just wanted to let you know that you are not alone even though you may think you are. I'm sorry I can't be more helpful.
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