A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't know if I should break up.It's been a year and a half now and until last October, I could see myself marrying "A" and having kids with him. We both wanted it. I still do want it but its definitely not possible the way things are right now."A" says he loves me but I dont feel it anymore. He knew my email accounts password, and he used it to read my mail and chats without my notice. I'm the kind of person who will flirt outrageously with guys but am also loyal and know my limits. Yet, after a year and a half, he didn't trust me enough and found it necessary to snoop in my mail. I figured this out when I told him a friend of mine had asked me out on Valentines, knowing that I was with "A". Jealousy was obvious, but he starting reacting in a way that shocked me. He told me I'd been leading the guy on and this is not true! I wished he'd understand and just react normally. The other guy was a moron to ask a girl who he knew was committed, but how is that my fault?This is not the only problem. I cheated on him once. Long ago, when I was on vacation, I had a bad incident wherein I lost control of myself drinking and got together with an ex, who I was still on talking terms with. It was just once, and I being an honest person, called "A" immediately and confessed. I cut the ex off after I came back from holiday immediately. But it had already scarred his mind against me. He was more insecure after this. This was in July09. We got together Dec08.His parents were almost about to go through divorce in Dec09, and he being the only child, was very badly affected by it. They are also very illogical and close minded about how his life should be and about our relationship, so he is always in a lot of pressure from his home. This divorcing talk had been going on since October09 and things had become rough for us since. He even beat me twice. But I'd forgiven him because I knew he wasn't himself and was very stressed out. And because I loved him. However, those memories haven't, and will never leave my mind. I think of him holding my hair back to beat my face over and over again whenever we fight. This makes me spew out venom when we fight and its obviously not doing good things for us. He is also a workaholic, and never gets off work on time. I want him to come and see me sometimes but its happened a lot of times that he's cancelled on me and stayed to work instead. I know that this is only work related because I trust him that way. Well, except for a tiny bit of mistrust (reason mentioned below).He was working at this exhibition kind of thing and I caught him holding hands, smiling, and chatting away with this one girl who worked for him. He didn't see me that day. He denied it initially when confronted, but came to accept it sooner than later. Said that it didnt mean anything to him. But I know however hypocritical it sounds, me cheating on him was due to constricted sense of reason due to alcohol. But being in his full senses, why is holding hands and cozying up so important while having a conversation standing at a foots distance. Especially when they're committed. Why!?There's a lot I'm sucking up to in this relationship. I mostly always am the one to start negotiations when we fight but am sick of it now and want more effort from him. He has horrible etiquette at eating (important to me), I don't figure anywhere his list of priorities. We're not even passionate anymore, and whenever we are, reminds me of fat he is, and how short is weiner is.All this paranoid stuff out of the gut in one go might make me sound like I hate him but trust me, I KNOW I dont. I love him way too much and cant take a decision about what to do with my relationship without anyone getting hurt. Ideally, I would want to stay friends with him anyway, though I really dont know if I can do the same.Please help me.
View related questions:
divorce, flirt, insecure, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Gridrebel  +, writes (19 February 2010):
 Unfortunately, some people are just toxic together and it sounds like this might be the situation for you two. Neither of you have respect for one another nor each others best interest at heart. As hurtful as breaking up is, it is nowhere near the pain you will both eventually feel by staying in such an unstable and destructive relationship.
|
