A
male
age
30-35,
*nt94gins
writes:i literally have no idea how to properly interact with the opposite sex. i have never had a long term relationship with a female. Basically i cant make any friends who are girls its like im only good at getting them to like me an then forget about me. As weird as it may sound i want a girl friend... like a girl who is my actual friend. Im tired of just having short sexual encounters...i want more... I just want to understand how they work an hopefully from there have long lasting relationships with girls i choose to date. im pretty picky about girls an i think thts why they dont want to befriend me. I want some women out there to tell me what they like to talk about and such because i cant say that ive honestly had a meaningful conversation with a woman and asking alot of questions doesnt seem to help either. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (19 July 2012):
From what you describe, I bet most woman your age would describe you as a "nice guy." Let me tell you for the vast majority of women, esp ones around your age, the worst thing they can call you is a "nice guy." Woman dont want "nice guys." They want confident, take-charge alpha-males. Whatever you have to do, get some self-confidence. When you talk to women, act as if they are lucky to be talking to you. You have to act as if you are THE guy to be with, and you have to believe it.
I am telling you this from my own personal experience. When I was a bit younger than you, I was also a "nice guy." It got me nowhere. I changed - I worked out, I got my life together, and I started believing I was the cat's meow, and I starting acting like it. Talk about night and day. I went from being the "nice guy" to the guy who could pick and choose who I wanted to go out with on a given night. I cant give it to you any more first hand than that.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 July 2012):
 I believe it's hard to understand the opposite sex when you don't have a sister. There is a segregation of boys and girls when we grow up. Society is still slow to accept that there can be platonic friendships between men and women. Even when physical attraction isn't there, men are still pressured to jump a woman's bones, proving his macho qualities. If he doesn't, he's not quite a man.
I think if a woman is open minded to be a friend to you, she has the qualities that's needed to be a long term partner too. This site is very beneficial if you want to understand a woman's mind. There are all kinds here: wise, experienced, neurotic ones, affectionate ones.
If you want a friend then you stop going to places that will result in a short sexual encounter. Go to book clubs or whatever your hobbies are and meet women there.
I still think to understand a woman totally you go into a relationship with her. When you limit yourself to just friendship your level of understanding of a woman stops at friendship. You still haven't had a long term relationship not because you don't know how to interact, not because you have those sexual encounters, but because you haven't defined what you want and don't know where to find such a woman. I think of the closest men in my life (both my brother and father still married) and I can honestly tell you they don't really know how to interact with the opposite sex. They just wing it. Mars and Venus can seem like they are from totally different worlds but it helps to realize there are actually many similarities between men and women. Focus on the common desire to love and bond, and not on the gaps.
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A
male
reader, Ant94gins +, writes (19 July 2012):
Ant94gins is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjust to clarify things...i dont want to have a girl as a friend and then date her. I just want a girl as a friend so she can be something like a gateway to better understandings of women.(i know its kinda weird)
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (19 July 2012):
I don't like talking and I don't plan what I talk about. I am a non verbal person. I basically want to get aquainted with a man's mannerisms, how he acts, what he does with his day, who are his family members, what are his goals in life, etc. The conversation should flow and the topics will extend. If it doesn't that means you are not in sync with her and you should find another one. If you want a girl to be your girlfriend not just platonic friend, ask them out on a date. Don't test if they will be good friends first. A date means there is romantic interest. I kind of like a guy who will go for the kill and not calculate each step worrying about screwing up. I am not saying men and women can't be friends but you shouldn't hope that a friendship would turn into a romantic relationship. There is nothing wrong with being picky. No need to lower your standards. The right girl will want to get to know you. The wrong ones won't matter anyway.
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