A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi people I've got a really big problem. I had a tough childhood and went to nine schools as a child it made me finding friends a real problem and as a result I'm so shy and don't have any friends I'm now twenty six and have two children my kids dad left years ago. I work and don't speak to anyone unless they speak to me first and when I do I start to stutter and my tongue gets tide I don't have any problem like this when speaking to family its only people I don't know. When I have a boyfriend I'm so clingy to them it makes me sick because I know that what I'm doing is wrong but can't stop. Its really starting to bug me that I can't find friends and I don't get out much because of kids and work. How can I make myself to be more approachable and for people to actually want me to be a friend to them. I'm so shy and put myself down I don't have any confidence. Please help what can I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the advise. Because I moved around schools a lot it made me not want to focus on my education and therefore I went looking for love and ended up losing my virginity to an older man and became pregnant at sixteen. So I have a ten year old and a two year old they have separate dads. I find myself being with the next person that finds me attractive they are not nice looking people most of them are married and end up treating me bad and use me and lie to me. Most of the time I'm in ore of the fact that they like me like they have picked me and i treat them like princes I know I can be full on and end up scaring them away. When I do manage to go out I don't have much to talk about and I have no interest because I spend my time doing things with kids. If I could get out more then I would go to gym and dancing classes. I know its not much, I would like to get to know myself (before I have a partner) but don't have anyone to have kids. The reason I don't talk much at work is they've all had different back grounds to me so I end up clamming up and I think why would they want to hear what I have to say. Do you have any tips on finding out more about myself. Thank you for reading this.
A
female
reader, CANDY61  +, writes (14 March 2011):
I used to be very shy until I found out that there are many many people out there just as shy as I am. How about going online and read about how to over come being shy and you might want to read about low self-esteem because that was part of my problem being very shy.
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, whinleyj +, writes (14 March 2011):
 Smile! It makes you more approachable, and attractive. And make free time for yourself. Take some days to just chill out, you know? It's not doing much good if you're stressed out. And if you really have to be with you're kids, then try going out with them. Hang out at a park, that way you can find other moms or dads to chat with. If you could find free time, join somekind of club. Take an art class, join the PTA...anything, really. Don't be all by yourself. Meet new people who like the things you do!I hope this helps. I wish you the best. :)
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 March 2011):
 I think you summed it up as this. You have a bad childhood, moved around a lot, so you can't find friends. Without friends you cling to your boyfriend, causing the break up.
Maybe I can put that in a different perspective. You are shy to begin with and the society is not a pleasant place for shy people. You lose confidence because you are comparing yourself to others. You picked your lovers based on how you feel about yourself. Maybe you are stuttering because you aren't really doing what's natural to you, meaning talking to people for the sake of appearing normal. If you don't feel like talking don't force yourself.
Having no friends is not cause for a bad relationship. There are solitary people who prefer to read a book at night and there are party people. If a husband is all you need and nobody else, then find someone more compatible for you. You said you have no problems with people closest to you. You shouldn't have a problem with a husband who is nice to you and care about your emotional growth. You need to do something outside of your job and just parenting, and that doesn't have to be looking for friends. There are many activities you can enjoy by yourself. You can look for a mate online. You don't have to mention right away you don't have friends. Just talk about what your interests are. No one can judge you besides yourself. Let no one tell you having no friends is a problem.
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