A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I love my wife but I think I need to make a break as I'm worried that the way I feel could be damaging for both of us. For the past few years she has rejected me so often for sex that I stop making any moves towards her. I like to think I'm romantic, caring and not demanding but I've had enough. I know if she doesn't want sex that's her choice but I do and it's killing me inside as I love her and want the intimacy. I've even started thinking about things she told me she did with other boyfriends such as letting them give her oral sex but this is something she's never let me do. It's ridiculous that I'm thinking of these things now as we've been together for years but I think it's to do with the lack of a sex life so I'm starting to think the problem must be me. And before you think 'this guy must be lousy in bed' I did have many partners before I met my wife and never had any problems. I just think my wife doesn't love me any more. I'm not being a whiner and I know there are more serious problems in the world but I'm starting to look at other women and don't want to be as I would never be unfaithful to her.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 October 2012):
 I agree... how much have you talked to her about this. If she does not know how serious you are it may not be that critical to her. However if she knows her marriage is at stake she may react more.
has she had a medical work up? based on your age I assume your wife is of a similar age.
it could be hormonal
do you have kids?
if so how old?
is she working full time outside the home, running a home and raising kids?
is she flat out rejecting you all the time or are you having any relations at all?
are you emotionally distant as well?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): Then don't be unfaithfully.. My husband I made a pact early on in our relationship, we've been together 23yrs now I was sweet 17teen, lol. Well the pact was we would sit each other down and tell them what the issues was and if we couldn't solve or compromise we would move on..
From a women's point of view has anything medically happened down below? Has she reached the change, this can play a devil with your hormones etc feel depressed etc, and how's her general appearance?
I realise sex is important in any partner relationship, but before we jump the gun and say she doesn't love me or doesn't want me. maybe we should look at the larger picture.. And think has anything changed out with your relationship too, such as bereavement ?
If not then all you can do is sit down and say that maybe it's best to separate for a while as you need to be close and she pushing you Away maybe the fact tat you do go for a little while may give both of you breathing space to see what the future holds.
You sound like a loving caring hubby, so give her the time to try and tell you what is the matter..even if that means taking a stand..
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 October 2012):
 I agree with the little chick. Your wife has to know just how seriously the lack of intimacy is affecting your marriage. Make sure you explain it to her just as you have here. She has to know this is a deal-breaker. In my opinion, you have every right to end your marriage over this.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (9 October 2012):
 Have you tried talking to her about this? I mean REALLY talking to her, i.e. it is getting to the point were you are looking at other women and thinking about leaving her? Sometimes when you talk about a lack of intimacy in your relationship, your partner might not take it that seriously, or they may not understand the severity of the situation. Your wife probably knows there is something wrong because you are not having sex, but she might be burying her head in the sand and not dealing with it head on, or she might think that sex isnt a big deal to you anymore so she can carry on like this and it wont matter.
My ex boyfriend did this - he rejected me so many times that I gave up on sex completely, yet I still craved the intimacy and was seriously unhappy in the relationship. I tried talking to him and he would say everytime that he would try, but nothing ever changed. So I broke up with him, I couldnt take anymore and I told him my reasons. He was so shocked, he had no idea it was coming and he didnt want us to break up - he said he wished I had told him how serious it had become because he didnt appreciate it was making me that unhappy. But I couldnt go back because it had simply been too long and I had lost all my feelings for him, there was nothing left to save.
So she may well not understand how bad this is getting, she might not realise that you are on the verge of leaving her over this. So try talking to her, explain how serious this is and that you need something to change immediately otherwise you cannot stay anymore. Maybe even suggest couples counselling so you can work through this with a professional.
But if things still dont change and she wont listen, well at least you have tried all you can and you can walk away knowing you gave it your best shot. I fully understand what you are going through, and you cant stay in this marriage much longer as it will tear you apart. Give it one last shot, one last chance to work things through together, and then if nothing changes walk away.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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