A
female
age
41-50,
*ahora
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for over 8 years now. I never have had an orgasm through intercourse. I always faked it. Well, I felt that maybe if I came clean he would work on this with me, but now he doesnt even want to touch me, he says I pretty much said HE cant please me. But I didnt say that, I said NOBODY has ever taken me there.I hate that i said anything now, because things have changed so radically, he REALLY doesnt want to do anything with me..and he used to have a very high sex drive..i dont know what to do. i feel like Im losing him, hell, i feel like he's gone already.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): Confucius says "effective communication opens many drawers...." (did you get the play on words? doors - drawers as in oh nevermind)
Keep talking to him - its not odd or unusual see this article http://www.dearcupid.org/question/thinking-about-losing-your-virginity.html
by satindesire - I know you aren't virgins, but in it she explains some of the complexities and what works for her. Its worth a read.
Teach him how to please you, using his hands and lips as a starting point. Keep talking.
Good luck and happy shagging,
Star.x.
A
female
reader, yahora +, writes (21 April 2009):
yahora is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you everyone for your replies...we finally had a REAL discussion and he's understanding the situation alot more!!! thanks again
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): ok think i found it:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-have-clitoridean-orgasms-but-not-during-sex.html
this was from along time ago - there is another on - but worth a look through.
Star.x.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): Ok so really the issue you are having is that you cant orgasm whilst shagging.
Some women never achieve this - you shouldn't fake it. that's unfair.
so what to do...
Try different positions that work for you and see if that helps - it might be one that just gets you in the right spot.
Try masturbating whilst shagging. ride him and try playing at the same time.
Stop trying - have a clitoral orgasm before (or several) then see what happens.
see if you can find your G-spot, and massage it and see what happens - when you have this guide him to it.
I am trying to find a good post on this - i know there is one somewhere i have seen. This one is a starting point with advice:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/4-years-into-relationship-and-i-dont-think-i-ever-had-an-orgasm.html
i will find the one i am thinking of and let you know it.
Hugs, Star.x.
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A
female
reader, yahora +, writes (20 April 2009):
yahora is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes, I can climax by myself or if he performs oral, but never with penetration...usually I feel like I am so close and then in an instant it's gone..its very frustrating, for the both of us.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): Hi Yahora,
Good for you in coming clean after all this time. It must have been chewing you up inside. However, by coming clean it has hit his ego and now he feels that he is less sexually than he was - if you imagine he has gone from giving you multiple mind blowing orgasms to an orgasmic desert within moments....of course he will be hurt and upset.
Stick to your guns - you have been honest now with him and need his help, you are sorry - but want to change it. He should come round.
I am tempted to suggest some form of sex counselling for the two of you. But I need a few more answers first. Are you able to climax on your own? have you ever climaxed?
Hugs Star.x.
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A
female
reader, yahora +, writes (20 April 2009):
yahora is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe reason why I kept this from anyone I slept with is because I was ashamed that something was wrong with me. I finally felt like I can say something because I thought he loved me and would work things out..now I feel like he doesnt love me at all. I have had 7 partners and I am 30 yrs old
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