A
female
age
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*argieb
writes:My heart is so empty. I am 54. My Mum, Dad and brother all died within three months of each other six years ago. My best friend died a couple of months before that. My Mum and Dad lived with me and we were very close. I loved them all so much and miss them every single day.I was in an abusive marriage and five years ago plucked up the courage to leave. I had lost seven babies and adopted my daughter 25 years ago. She left home two years before I left and lived with her boyfriend. They had a little boy but split up when he was six months old and she has him living with her. She is so angry with me for leaving my ex-husband - she sees it that she lost her family home. I haven't spoken to her now for months. She is moving from where she lives on Saturday to live with a new boyfriend and I have no idea where she is going. I only have one relative left, my twin sister. She had a brain haemorrage followed by a stroke last year. She is in a special neuro rehabilitation unit. I visit her three times a week, but she is not like her old self at all. We have some very odd conversations. It is unlikely that she will ever make a full recovery. I had to give up work 12 years ago as I have lupus which brings with it fibromyalgia and dreadful chronic fatigue. I am unable to do very much at all and am using every ounce of my energy to visit my sister. I moved here five years ago and very fortunately I met the most wonderful man and we married three years ago. Apart from my husband I don't know a soul. I spend most of my days totally alone and apart from my husband hardly see anyone. He is lovely but he only has a couple of friends - one of them is the husband of his ex-wife's best friend and the other is a confirmed batchelor - so not much chance of any kind of social life with either of them. I have never felt so sad and lonely in my life.
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (15 January 2010):
 A possible solution is also for you to record yourself in audio, or a journal on youtube.
This would require little or no typing (hand pain free), and you can still give back.
If you can find a volunteer to transcribe any audio recording you do, then the typed transcriptions can be put in a blog, or a future book.
This would accommodate your illness, and still give you a means to give back.
Hope this helps.
-Frank
A
female
reader, margieb +, writes (15 January 2010):
margieb is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so very much for your kind words and support. Unfortunately I am unable to walk or stand very much and my hands don't work very well either. If I peel one potato I can be in pain for hours! I used to do the most intricate sugar craft and embroidery before I had lupus. I also suffer from vestibular migraines which make me very unsteady and sick. So, the possibility of voluntary work is not really on the cards for me.
I have a wheelchair and a mobility scooter so I can go out for lovely walks in the countryside with my husband on weekends. Its really in the week that I become very low as I am unable to go out on my own.
I do agree that what you experience can you make you stronger, but I just feel that my twin having her brain hemorrage and stroke had just knocked me sideways. For many weeks she was on life support and that was about the most harrowing experience I have had in my life. The doctors told me she would die so I really see that it is a blessing that she is still with us even though she is not as she used to be. She is being moved to a special neuro rehabiliation unit for long term care, but that is even further from my home so visiting her with be more difficult and expensive as taxis cost a fortune.
I was quite upset at the suggestion by one answer that a 'pity party isn't fun'. Nor is what I have gone through in the past few years. Seeing so many people you love fighting cancer and dying has been devastating. My best friend died of cancer just a few weeks before my Mum died of breast cancer. When my Mother died my brother said we would all support each other and then he literally just went to bed and died only six weeks later, which was a massive shock - his heart just stopped. He was 50. Then six weeks later my Father died following complications from an operation for cancer. I think in anyones books that is pretty tough to deal with.
I do really try to count my blessings and thank God every day for my wonderful husband, but that doesn't counteract the dreadful emptiness I feel having lost so many people. I could cope when I still had my twin. We supported each other so much. Now she is paralysed and only able to understand the most basic of conversations. Her long term prognosis is not good.
My doctor has recently put me on a course of anti-depressants and I have seen a counsellor. The counsellor basically said that she thought I was a very strong person and coped well with everything!
I do think the suggestion that maybe I could help support others through similar problems could be good. My counsellor even said that she thought if I was well I would make a good counsellor!!
I will certainly take on board all your positive comments and suggestions. Once again thank you all so much for taking the time and effort to reply.
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (14 January 2010):
 Absolutely perfect suggestion from ' Angzw Zimbabwe '
I have nothing more to add, but to thanks Angzw for such a brilliant and creative answers, even I learn many many new things...again thanks to Angw !!!
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (14 January 2010):
I agree with the other posters. I would also encourage you to get involved with volunteering, maybe for organizations that a similar to what you have dealt with in your life. Use all the negative things that have happen for good by helping others. You can even spend sometime on this site answering some of these questions for people. Perhaps also join a 'friends only' dating site where you meet new people. Or join a women's Internet network (I dont know if ivillage.com still does it) where they have various groups with women supporting each other from just losing weight or to dealing with loss and illness. Yes, you have had more than your fair share of troubles but guess what? You are still here. Use your life for some good. Have some fun by yourself like start reading a novel a week or go to the secondlife.com website and create an Avatar as a man or even a stripper :-)
All the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2010): My heart bleeds for you, I am so sorry you are feeling this way, it is so painful :( When I was younger, I lost my country, my father and both my grandparents in one year, and then my mother had to find work and left my younger brother and I to fend for ourselves in a foreign country. I never felt so lost and alone in my entire life.
Of course, I was healthy and pain free, which makes a huge difference. The thing is as I look back now, this experience made me a very strong person. I can deal with things so easily that others find overwhelming...join a knitting group or take a class at your local community class...learn to play an instrument (you can pour a lot out in music :) In other words, do something, anything..it will expose you to other people, which is what you need more than anything right now AND see your doctor, you probably need an anti-depressant for a short while to get you going.
Good luck to you and know that there are people that care ..hugs
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (14 January 2010):
I have never felt so sad and lonely in my life.
My heart goes out to you. You have had so much happen to you, and the grief must be overwhelming.
If you have not gone for concouling, I would suggest it. Find a support group to join from a local religious place of worship, or something like that.
Finally, I personally beleive that when bad things happen to people, it is because they are strong enough to survive it, and then can learn from it, and teach others what they learned. I have found this gives my own life meaning when dealing with the bad stuff that I feel down about.
Find a way to teach and help others going through the same kind of loss. Start with a support group, and consider things like writing a blog or book about your life and the ways you found to cope with it. Just by sharing your experiences, you will be able to help others, the way it would be great for others to help you.
Stay strong.
-Frank
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (14 January 2010):
 Well at least you have a loving husband. Instead of wasting your energy dwelling on the bad things in your life perhaps you should conserve it so you can focus on doing some volunteer work or a hobby. Pity parties are no fun.
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