A
female
age
36-40,
*arley420
writes:since I've been with my girlfriend she has had maybe 5 or 6 different jobs, most last less than a month. the longest was at Macy's and that was 3 months working only weekends. she's not in school, she's not disabled, although she doesn't have any special skills, most jobs don't require skills or offer training. my frustration is turning into anger. she wrecked my brand new car and hasn't paid me back anything but maybe $130 since december. I pay rent all on my own, which pisses me off the most. and every time I try to talk to her about getting a better job(she got fired this week from her current 4 hour a week job), she gets really pissed off at me. I work fulltime 5 days a week and sometimes more. I don't understand how she would feel comfortable sitting at home all day everyday eating food, using electricity, and napping, while I'm out there every day working, paying for everything she does. I have never expressed once that I could or would support her in this way. she's also got this thing where she quits a job before finding another one. I need help on how to approach this subject with her in any way that she won't get mad.
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male
reader, Monkey76  +, writes (16 March 2009):
You have already shown plenty of patience bearing in mind that this has been going on for some time. Is this a cycle you believe can be broken, is she in and out of work because of bad luck or bad attitude?
Everybody deserves a chance to get themselves straight and concession should be given to our nearest and dearest in times of need, but continual give and no take will inevitably reach a breaking point.
As to whether you expressed whether you would support her or not ,could you rely on her to provide you with such support in a time of need?
A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (16 March 2009):
 Cat is right as usual.
But I wouldn't be that patient, I would probably suggest that she moves back in with her parents as you can't afford to "Keep her" any more.
There is no excuse for an intelligent, able bodied individual to get a job or at least to go in to full time education, to better herself and make herself more employable.
The reason she is happy to sit at home is because inactivity breeds laziness so it is a vicious circle, the less she does the less she wants to do! The way to break that chain is to give her reason to get a job. This is easily achieved by making her move out of your place and stop fending for her. Very harsh but I think effective.
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (16 March 2009):
 It's never too late to put some new "ground rules" on the sharing of house expenses when you live together. After all, with the current unstable economy, one needs to be very careful in managing one's own money. Are you frustrated because you are supporting her expenses per se, or because you see her as an able bodied person with lots of potentials [that she is not applying at the moment]?You do need to discuss it with her. You can bring it up gently but firmly, with cool heads. Some pointers on what to say when you discuss this:- you believe in her potentials, and if she stuck it in one job, she will get a promotion and a good career in what she does.- you would like to spend weekends with her, which means she would need to work weekdays;- you need to start saving for your future, retirement plan, or vacation, or back to school, or student loans, and so forth. And you can't do all that because there is not much left after house expenses, and that you would appreciated it if she could chip in with the house payments (and car repair);You notice that the "topic" in the above suggestions move from it's about her, to you both, to you. Hopefully, she will see that too.If she refuses to do any or all of the above, then you know already what the future with her holds for you. But, if you love her irregardless of her disinterest in working full time (or even part time) over a long period of time, then it should not matter to you, right?If money is tight, perhaps you can sub-let part of your apartment, or have a paying room mate that can help at least share some costs in the house.Good luckCat
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