A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a man named Zack 8 years ago from a mutual friend. We have been best friends since that day. Zack and I have never once said or implied taking our relationship to another level. However, he kissed me out of the blue 5 years ago but pulled away and never thought much of it because I never viewed him as a partner. We continued to go on with our friendship like nothing ever happened. He got a new girlfriend and devoted most of his time to her and work so we slowly drifted in and out of our friendship. Speaking to him once a month was the average. I met a new guy a short while later and ended up devoting all of my time to him as well. So instead of speaking to him once a month, it became once every 3 months, or 5 months or even 8 months. I got a phone call from Zack during one of those months telling me that his girlfriend packed her things and left him. He was devastated and wanted my comfort. However, my current immature partner, Mike knew about our past kiss and the closeness of our friendship and did not feel comfortable with us continuing to speak to each other. I was head over heels addicted to this guy so I decided to cut Zack off. Please understand that I already know how wrong that was so do not bother bashing me about my selfish acts. I never heard from Zack since that day. Mike and I obviously did not work out and I feel like after I lost Zack, I realized what he actually means to me. But without his number I had no way to contact him. Luckily, about a week ago, I saw Zack outside a local grocery store and waved him down. We talked up a storm about work and life and how he was getting married to the girl who previously left him. I was in shock! I left in a hurry to catch up with a friend and never really got to say bye. However, he called me the next day and the day after and the day after. He asked me to meet him and I gladly did. We continued to talk about how sorry I was for everything I did. As I began to get teary eyed, he pulled me close and said not to worry, we're together now. He kissed me bye and called me everyday after that. We have hung out with each other almost every other day and he lies to his fiancee about where he's going. We hold hands and kiss and do things that couples do. I felt really guilty so I brought the issue up to him. He didn't enjoy talking about it so I just let it go and continued to do what we do. I think about him all day and wait for his calls. The way that he looks at me tells me that there are emotions and feelings involved and that what we are doing isn't just a joke. I don't want him to get married but I feel like he has too much on the line with his fiancee that he can't just let it go. Please help me! I have never been the other woman. I just want him in my life and never want to lose him again. What do I do? Am I just holding on to a fantasy that will never be? Is it possible to cut all romance with Zack and just be friends? Or is it too late?
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female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (4 December 2009):
Honey, I realize you have history with Zach, but you said this all started up just a week ago. From what you describe, he's been romantically involved with his girlfriend for something around 4-5 years? It sounds like Zach has had feelings for you in the past. You said he didn't enjoy talking about it, but honey, my goodness, he hasn't even had time to process what he's feeling, much less figure out what to do about it. He had this whole life plan made and then you come in the picture out of the blue.
Perhaps this is fate interceding but you need to give him some time to process what's happening. In the meantime, I don't think you are doing yourself any favors by stepping into the the secret role of "other woman". Tell Zach that now that he knows how you feel about him, you want to be with him but you don't want to be the other woman, so you are going to give him some time to think about how he feels and what he wants. Then you need to step back until he makes a decision.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 December 2009):
 You bet he has too much on the line, he's got two women on his line. Ask him what exactly does he see your position to be in the future. If you are not important enough for him to end things with his fiance then you need to gracefully bow out the picture. Be a class act.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (4 December 2009):
From what I understand, he is still getting married. I'm afraid you're holding onto something that sounds like it can't happen. If he really loved you, he would have made it clear, and you would have been together. I think it's all too late.
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