A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 36-year-old man with Asperger's Syndrome.I've never been on a date in my life and that is the crux of the issue.I'm educated, I have interesting things to talk about, I keep myself fit (albeit in other ways than the gym) and am well-presented.The other ways I've kept myself fit other than the gym was just doing DIY outdoors. It needed doing,did it with my family. Or going for walks.The other issue is hobbies. I have them, but while they're great skills to have, they're solitary things to do. I guess having skills in website design or computing is good for employment, but not meeting people.Having an interest in tech/gadgets is an interesting hobby, but probably a solitary one unless you count it as a conversation topic. I read the major tech blogs/tech news sites.I did used to game, but the last time I did so was over 10 years ago so am out of practice on that. Plus, my computer isn't really a gaming computer now, it being a Mac. The games weren't MMORPGs but city-building and motor-racing ones.Also into TV/movies but that's probably more of a family thing and with a cost-of-living crisis, Netflix probably looks better value than the cinema for now to see a movie.I'm not sure if eating out/trying new foods counts as a hobby. Probably expensive, so I don't eat out often but I don't get takeaways, that's certain. I do eat healthily.I'm not sporty, so that's out for me as a way of meeting people. Goes back to me finding PE difficult in high school. Can't do e-sports either since my computer's not really set up for that.Dance is out as a way to meet people since my interest in it only goes as far as watching Strictly Come Dancing annually.I have a voluntary job but it cannot be done from home so am technically unable to work/unemployed. It's a bit sensitive to discuss on here though. I like the job but it's not an easy one to discuss for data protection reasons.I can't drive but that's due to medical grounds according to DVLA which may put some partners off.My problem is where to meet the sort of partner I like.For women, I've always been attracted to feminine women. I can't say it's limiting as a preference as feminine has many types of expression.For men, I don't even know what type I'm attracted to yet and did hate having that attraction between 2010-2016. Never acted upon it. My area has no gay scene or way to meet gay people.Online dating didn't really work for me when I tried in 2016 from a burner email and set up a no-photo profile; I tried it but was wary of what they'd do with my data and photos. Didn't get many responses so didn't try since then.I'm not really good at flirting or noticing if people are attracted to me. If I could learn how to, it'd be good but I've nearly always thought "Oh, they just want to be friends with me".I don't really have many friends. The people I knew from high school 20-25 years ago I don't see anymore, and I tend to have acquaintances rather than friends.When I do have acquaintances they don't last long or they live too far away. One friend lived 200 miles away, which would have made it difficult to meet up regularly, and Zoom probably makes no sense for me after I learnt about privacy concerns with the app.I wonder if having no social media and just a rotation of free email addresses is a good or bad thing, especially with people's fears over data security and GDPR? I remember one possible date in 2019 thinking it was weird I had no Facebook, Instagram or TikTok, and in the end she'd found someone before I had even gone on the date!I know privacy sounds like a big issue here, but have I got valid concerns and is wanting to live a safe comfortable life with a partner a bad thing?I'm just being cautious, not paranoid. I've learnt about this from tech blogs etc.I would welcome any advice and will try and reply anonymously when I can.
View related questions:
facebook, flirt Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, RitaBrown +, writes (3 June 2022):
Perhaps the anonymous poster didn't read my answer properly. I never suggested the OP take up acting. I suggested that he get involved in the technical side of theatre.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2022): You need to make friends first before you find a serious other half. Walk before you can run. You are too shy and self conscious to go to amateur dramatics -and anyway since the lock down most of those have closed down for good, just as most social clubs have. They can also be very time consuming where you have to go every evening when it is busy, does not suit most. You were not cut out to be an actor, so why go anyway? Part of your condition is having these anxieties and worries.
...............................
A
female
reader, RitaBrown +, writes (28 May 2022):
Sounds like you need to improve your general social circle before you attempt to improve your dating life.
Try joining a local amateur theatre company? You'll meet lots of different people both male and female.
Now before you protest saying "but I can't act!" You don't have to be able to act. If everybody who was in an amateur theatre company only did acting then they would all be doing naked mime in the dark to an empty room. Because there would be nobody to provide light, sound, set or costumes. And there would be zero audience because nobody would have advertised the show.
If you love tech and gadgetry, then there's plenty to do backstage with the technical crew. You can learn new skills like creating lighting plots or sound plots. It looks great on your CV too.
...............................
|
