A
female
age
41-50,
*upid lover
writes:Hi there,I am a women in my early 30's. For the past 3 years I have made significant positive change in my life in every way......career, education, health etc. The changes have been gradual and have involved moving away from my hometown to make the changes easier.The thing is I feel as though some of my friends that I am still in touch with are leftovers from times in my 20s that I have moved on from. When I speak to some of them they make me feel as though speaking with them takes me back to where I was before. They don't like it when I achieve things, as they haven't changed and they would prefer to keep me small. I have had to cut quite a few people out of my life over the past 5 years already because of various reasons and they were different circumstances to this.My question is has anyone else felt like this or been in a situation like this and what do you do about it.I have one friend in particular whom I have known for 8 years and he makes a point of cutting me down to size and unvalidating any achievements that I have made lately.Also, I am just over having him to call me to tell me about his trashy nights out when I am living my life positively now. I haven't called him in ages but whenever he called I would pick up. I stopped picking up a couple of months ago and he is STILL trying to get through and has now started sending me rude messages telling me "stop being a bitch" and "Have you gonne crazy?" He clearly isn't getting the hint or his ego is just severely bruised.I feel bad ignoring him. How do you quietly walk out the back door of friendships that have passed their use by date? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, malvern  +, writes (25 April 2013):
 Yes, I've experienced similar. I'm twice your age and I have learned that it is best to turn your back on negative people because they will always want to 'pull you down'. If they approach you then obviously be courteous but don't encourage their friendship. I'm sure you have new friends and new interests so try to focus on those. Nothing in life ever stays the same, we all move on in different directions and if your old friends are jealous then they've got a problem. If they can't be happy for you then are they really friends at all? With regard to your male friend I would say 'don't rise to the bait'. Be non commital with him, don't enter in deep conversation, don't tell him things about your life because he'll eventually get fed up when he's not getting a reaction from you. People who criticise are only trying to make themselves feel superior by undermining you. I suggest you walk out of the back door of friendship by making yourself busy and therefore less available for his phone calls.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2013): They were your friends for a reason once and still can be.
If you feel that is not the case you should be honest, and say you have moved on & feel you have no common ground in the future.
If drugs were involved, cut all ties and say nothing, good friends are hard to find. One of my good friends found religion, and although tolerant of this I don't share the same views. She made it clear unless I became religious also, there is no friendship.
However she still gets in touch if she needs something...
Next time I will be the one not picking up - friendships shouldn't be so militant!
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