A
female
age
30-35,
*andixo
writes:I have a majorr problem.im dating this guy, for almost 3 months now.he is a dancer, singer, and gets along with everyone.he is always positive, smiling and hates getting on peoples bad sides.he treats me so well i love it, but he also treats his 'friends' the same way.i told him before we even started dating i have a major jelousy trust issue. and he siad he will deal with it and push through for me.i have never truely trusted anyone in my life.ive been hurt so many times its unbeleivable. he is a ladies man so he is forever hanging with girls.some people are telling me to break it off before he hurts me. but i dont want to, no one understand what he means to me. my feelings are so strong towards him.i cant even stand him talking to girls, let alone look at them.theres this one girl who always calls and always texts him. she is attractive and a dancer too.she recently broke up with her boyfriend and now my boyfriends texting her back 24/7 calling her captain prettiful and pretty pants.he knows i cant deal with it and he said he would help me overcome it.but im afraid he isnt supporting me very well.and sometimes i even think he does it purposly.it tears me up inside so bad. just to see him dance with other girls :(im SO afraid he will break it off with me over it.jealousy is healthy but this is way too much to handle.please can you help me. asap.how can i win him over every other girl??love Candi.
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female
reader, Angle79  +, writes (7 August 2008):
 Hi! Poor lady..
I don't think he is the right man for you. His career requires him to stay pleasant, friendly and flirty somtimes and i understand it is quite hard for you to take it neither do I. You are not right for him my dear, unless he is willing to change his career. If not, you will get hurt more and more. Life is short to live, so you should live happily. Dont stop here! There is along way for you to go. Go and find another man! Be strong and feel confident in yourself, there are a lot of nice men out there for you! Stay strong and be happy.. and move on! Best wishes
A
female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (7 August 2008):
 Hi again, I left out one letter in the web address:
www.socyberty.com/writers/quiet+voice.8137
Sorry. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (7 August 2008):
Hi there, In reading your letter, I think we have multiple situations here. For one, he is a performer, performers must have adulation, so he is not going to stop or curtail his fans from showering him with affection, it's part of his personality, and what he does, harmless, though it may be. Second, a performer is not going to help you deal with your jealously, you must do that, if he helped you, that would mean he would have to agree to less attention from the women. Third, if you are a jealous person, you might not want to be involved with a performer, they as I said in one, must have the attention, it is like food to them, it is vital to their mental health. Take his adoring fans away, he will be depressed. Nature of the game. Fourth, the reason he treats you like the other people, is that he sees you that way, sorry to be so blunt, but his world is all about him, his ego is big, but his self-esteem is based on having others thinking that he is the greatest. He really does not have the empathy to include other people in an intimate fashion, it's all about him, he cannot share.
Finally fifth, you must be so secure and have such high self-esteem, that even if women paw all over him, you know that he is yours and that he loves you. You will never in my opinion, receive that from him. He is self-centered, which is where most performers are, again nature of the game. It is survival for them. So you would be on your own in this relationship with him, he can't reassure you as he is too busy looking for love, in a harmless way to him, but not to you. So you are left with, can you take the non intimate way he will be in this relationship, his constant searching for the attention, to make himself feel good. He can't give what he does not have. My thought, you will be hurt, if you analyse the situation, you are hurt now, cut your losses, we all have fallen for the wrong person at least once in our lives. It hurts, but you must make it short term, do not sit there and wait for him to change, he won't. There are men out there who will give you more of waht you need, go find them, cry for a while then come out of your fetal position and get on with your life. What go is it,if you are in need of sugar, and all the person can give you is salt, it does not work. One last thing, you must work on improving your confidence and your self-esteem. your jealousy arrives out of a feeling that you don't have what others have. You are a special person with individual talents, stop putting yourself down, being jealous of your partner, thinking he is going to go elsewhere. I want you also to go to: www.socyberty.com/writer/quiet+voice.8137, look for the title "Letting Go: Stop Chasing Ghosts", hopefully this will help you. Then I would like you to find a book on the subject, Confronting Jealousy, How to Get Over it. This is not a title, but that kind of book should have very good advice in it. Take care of yourself, I hope this has been a help to you. Leave him now, strong feelings of jealousy will make you physically sick, it is not worth it. Be your own best friend, and love yourself. Take care. Do let me know how you are doing.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): tbh you disgust me. get over it
if you dont like it break up with him
dont go on some website bitching about your feelings
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