A
male
age
51-59,
*llexxander
writes:Advice needed,I need to resolve my emotional mess and i don't know anymore how to do it.At the moment i find this way better then asking my friends for advise, cause the things went to far. I am not control freak but i like to have things in control. My partner and me are more then 5 years together from that the last 2 years he moved in. We've been on holidays, we go out together, have friends, we lead normal life. He used to tell me that i can do what i want after 3rd year of our relationship. I do not take advantage of that, but sometimes if there is an opportunity i do have sex with other men. Until last month when the 4 of us (2 friends of ours)went together on holidays. My partner joined us week later. Night before he was arriving I met someone. He was sitting in the bar near me and asked for lighter. I spotted him and i was looking. He is very handsome. He spotted me and later he said asking for lighter was an excuse to meet me. The day after he invited me for dinner. My partner arrived, and i told him to go with our friends for dinner and i am going with this person cause he was alone on holidays and if its ok with my partner, it is also nice to keep company to someone who is alone. Noone should be alone in this world is my opinion. We joined my friends and my partner after dinner, but this persons attention and kindness and tenderness was obviously too much for my partner so he went back to the apartments. My friends and i actually agreed that it was a little bit too much from him. It looked like we were the couple and my partner was just a friend to all of us. So i apologized to him and said it wont happen again. I also asked this person not to hug me, hold hands and kiss me if my partner is around. Anyway the rest of the holidays looked like this: I would be with my friends out till 1 am. then my partner and a friend of ours would go to the apartments, i would stay with another friend and my newly met person would join me. and we would stay together till 4 sometimes 5 am before i would go back to the apartments. We even spent two afternoons together at the beach watching sunset together. I know being with someone 5 years, this doesn't happen anymore, but also is this normal with complete stranger? I don't think so. At least not if this person ment to have just summer "thing" with me. One evening we were just looking at each other and i remember one German woman who was passing by, stopped, took our hands and said: oooh what passion!!! I think i was in heaven. Actually i still am.During the holidays I told this person that it is ok to join for drinks with my friends and my partner, but he said he will rather wait for me till my partner goes to sleep. My partner actually didn't even ask if i saw this person anymore since the first accident. Holiday is finished. We returned home. Me and my partner to Belgium, and this person to England. We call, mail, text each other every day. We are planning to meet soon. I can always have excuse to travel because of my work (but i know its a lie and its not fair). I love my partner truly and deeply, afterall its my longest ever relationship. But i also have this beautiful feelings for this person in England. Lots of common interests, lots of subjects to talk about, sweet talking, sex was great too. And thats why i know he has feelings for me too. He, as i suggested might come to celebrate New years to Belgium. I don't know anymore what to do. I can't accommodate him cause my partner said he didn't like what happened that first night on our holidays. I feel like I am on the crossroads and this sound so ordinary, but I don't know do i have to chose , and why? why cant i have both? Anyway the 3 of us don't even live in the same country... How and should i tell my partner that i still have the contact with this person, and the plans? Fact is that me and this person excluded option of having relationship together, cause he is involved too with someone in the US. But how to tell or should i tell my partner that I want to exchange warm feelings and get sexually involved with someone? I hope You can get a picture of what i am trying to say here. Its just so complicated for me to find an answer. I am very independent person and i am very down to earth. But this is beyond. Just for the picture I am 40 and both my partner and this person are 47...What am i to do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 November 2011):
 First of you need to be honest to your partner, so that he knows the truth and what he is up against. It is only fair on him to tell him the truth and let him know what your intentions are. If it is an open relationship you both have where you can both see other people well then I guess you are doing nothing wrong. But still you need to tell him the truth because lying to him is just not fair.
As for this guy in England. Well if he is a risk to your current relationship well then I am not sure that he is worth it, you know yourself that nothing can happen long term between the both of you, therefore it is just a bit of fun when you both do meet up, but if this is enough for you, well then that's fine. But just be honest to everyone who is involved at least that way nobody gets hurt if they know the truth.
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