A
female
age
41-50,
*oldierred
writes:ok, so I have contentiously messed up in my marriage and my husband no longer trust me! Its not an affair but he seems to think it is pretty close. I basically took on the responsibility of a kid after I told him I did not want kids right now, and since this kid is 26 he has told me to stop helping her. Well I did not. She is getting married soon but I continuously let her come over and do laundry or take her places which he still deems helping and gets mad about it. SO he wants me to learn my lesson, the punishments he has come up with are inappropriate and demeaning so he told me to find an alternative. Does anyone have any idea how I guess I can learn my lesson but also make him happy with out making me feel like a complete moron?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 August 2008):
 Okay, this is very weird. You have a friend that you're treating as a child? Is that it? And your husband thinks that the relationship is inappropriate and doesn't want you to have it?
Why is he so upset by this, there must be something more going on here.
And what's with the 'punishment' thing? That sounds like something a Victorian father would inflict on a misbehaving 8 year old. I think that you need to sort out your differences with good communication and calm discussions. Both of you need to listen to each other. If he's treating you as a child, then there is something seriously unbalanced in this marriage.
Tell him that his anger is punishment enough, and then get down to an adult and sensible discussion about the whole situation. Perhaps a marriage counselor can act as a mediator between you, so you might want to look into that as well.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (20 August 2008):
 Why should you be punished you are not a child. Learn your lesson by listening to him but if you truly want to help this girl why does he have a problem with it? I think there is more to this so it is very difficult to comment but your husband should respect the fact you are willing to help this girl x
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