A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and i broke up three days ago through text message ... he is really laid back and doesn't like drama or fights or anything ... im sure he really cared ... but we broke up because i left him a voicemail telling him we needed a break but it came out all wrong then he wouldn't talk to me ... and he sent me a text message about two days later saying we needed a break to make sure we could "handle" the relationship ... he didn't particularly want to see me and wouldn't call or answer my calls ... during the two days i blew up his phone with texts and voicemails of how much i missed him and cared about him and only wanted to know if we were together or not ... now i know were not ... and we haven't really talked since ... im not sure if i should want him back but i do ... why doesn't he talk to me?? if he is truely happier this way i will suck it up and pretend to be happy ... all i have ever wanted is to make him happy he means more to me than anything else in the world, how do i know if he is really happy?? how do i get him to talk to me? i will do anything for him and care about him deeply, i would like to tell him so much about everything that has happened between us but he won't talk to me how do i get him to at least talk to me even if he doesn't want to get back together?? please help!
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 August 2008):
 I think you need to give him some time. I expect he's really hurt and upset right now, and just wants to nurse those feelings for a while. It might actually be better not to talk to him right now because of his upset, he might say things that he doesn't really mean.
So I'd lay off calling and texting. If you can, write a letter expressing what you've told us here, and then sit on it for a day. Then take it out and reread it. Edit it if it needs it and then send it to him. Sometimes having a piece of paper with a loved one's writing and heart and soul on it can make a difference. It's much more personal than texting or voicemails, as those are just digital traces of you. But then I didn't grow up in the era of texting and IMs and voice mails.
Things are out of your hands right now, and you're just going to have to accept that for the time being. As long as he knows that you're truly contrite and wish to reconcile, he has the information he needs, and you've done what you can.
I'm pretty sure you'll hear from him before too long, but WAIT FOR HIM to make that contact after you send the letter. Good luck, I hope that he comes around soon.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008): Firstly, stop panicking! If he cares about you, he will talk to you. But the more you insist, the longer you will have to wait. Therefore, stop hounding him. Guys are no less emotional than we are, but they deal with things differently. We probably need to talk and talk, they might need a bit of time alone to digest things. So respect him for wanting to have a little bit of time to think this over. It is understandable that you want to know where you stand, but take this time as the little break you wanted. Give him the chance to miss you too, and realise how valuable you are - if you keep calling, texting and showering him with all this attention and affection, he's never going to have the time to miss you or think about what he's lost. If you really cant handle it, write him a letter. Even if you dont send it, it will help you. But please stop hounding him - it's counterproductive!Good luck!
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