A
female
age
41-50,
*loudy
writes:I am living in with my boy friend since last 4 years. Last year we got engaged. When we met each other 4 years ago, we just couldn't keep our hands off each other. We were into each other. At that time we were international students. Money was bit tight, hence we would be happy with little things such as cheap pizzas, cheap bottle of wine and watch movies. But life was still perfect. Since last 2 year I have stopped having sex with my boy friend. He approached me lot of times and raised his concern that this is not normal. He suggested I should see a doctor but at the back of my mind I always knew I love him and I dont need to have sex with him to prove it. Life carried on with no sex but perfect compatibility. We fight probably once in 6 months. We are now professionals and we have a very simple life. Since last few months, I feel I am falling out of this. I find my life very boring and I needed some excitement. At my work, I hang around mainly with single people and I envy myself as I dont get to go out and have fun the way they do. I feel I have just lost myself in these 4 years. Since last 4 years everything is about "US". I dont find time for myself. In June 2010, I was away on my work trip for 3 weeks in a remote place. I started going out for drinks every 2nd night during that trip with my work mate. All of a sudden I started finding him very attractive and all I wanted is a kiss. I knew he had a girl friend of 4 years hence I did not make any moves but felt guilty about being distracted. Came back from work trip, discussed nothing and life moves on. I went on work trip again in September and this time he was single. So I was secretly wishing again that he kisses me. 1 night I got very drunk and plastered and I asked him if I can kiss you, he said "NO". I came back from the trip feeling very guilty and I told my fiancé about my work mate and that I asked him if I could kiss him. My fiancé is now very hurt, angry, disappointed and disgusted with me. I understand all his emotions, but I am trying hard to explain him that I just got distracted. I dont know how it feels to get attention. I felt my relation was getting a bit stale and I wanted to try different thing. But I love him and I wana spend the rest of my life with my fiancé. He has called it quits as he cant trust me anymore. As per him, I have cheated on him. I dont want to loose him. I love him and I wana be with him. I dont know what to do. We are engaged now. I dont know how to pick up my pieces and move on because I dont want to. I agreee I fucked up, but I got distracted as I was lonely, bored and I needed some attention. Please help. I dont want to loose him.
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male
reader, whiteelephant  +, writes (16 October 2010):
learning how to maintain a relationship is a skill. i dont have enough experience in life to answer your question but i will say i know couples who have never experienced boredom and monotony (50+ years). i also know couples who are in a rut who need to get a move on, its really really hard to do if youre living in the same physical space
A
female
reader, Cloudy +, writes (14 October 2010):
Cloudy is verified as being by the original poster of the question I know in plain and simple words "I tried to cheat". I am not trying to defend my situation here. I will never. But wake me up here. Dont many couples go through the stages of boredom and monotony? I agree cheating is not a solution to boredom. Then what is? I have spoken to him heaps of times that I feel we are living in a rut. We should change a few things. Go take a vacation blah blah.... He said he will. But nothing changed. Whenever I get pulled to go on a work trip, I am secretly happy as I know atleast I will get a break.
Over time we have become different people. Day by day he is becoming more indoors and I am getting more outdoors. I dont know how to strike the balance. I dont think there is lack of communication as we have done plenty of talking. At the same time I dont wana let him go just coz over the years we are wanting different things. It takes 2 to tango.
I have begged him to stay and take me back but he has decided to move out and take some time.
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A
male
reader, whiteelephant +, writes (13 October 2010):
So you don't have sex with him for 2 years (ouch) and then tell him you wanted to kiss another guy. You could have saved the trouble and just yanked his balls off right there
If you need excitement, variety romance and spontaneity you communicate that with him. Develop it in him. Its a fun process and it takes two. If you're not getting what you need, break it off.
If you don't want to lose him...I don't know what you can do lol. You get down on your hands and knees and beg him to take you back, fulfill his fantasies and show him you need and want him more than anything. help him to become the kind of guy you want him to be
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (13 October 2010):
 Why do you keep saying that you just got "distracted"?
You tried to cheat- plain and simple.
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