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I have lied to my online friend, about everything for 5 years. I am going to meet him now, what do I do?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Online dating, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 February 2010) 7 Answers - (Newest, 24 August 2012)
A female United States age 36-40, *cruz writes:

I have been using fake pics for well over 6 years and at first its fun with the attention but after a while reality sets in and it always come to an bad ending!! But this was when I was a lot younger and now I'm 21 I don't do it no more bc at the end of the day reality is way better than fantasy so here's my dilema:

I have been talking with my guy friend online/phone since I was 16. I have virtually lied about everything with him from my picture to my name! But in my defense I was really young and I didn't plan on ever meeting him bc he lives in amsterdam and I'm in the US so I didn't feel it was nescesary to tell the truth I was in my fantasy. So now that I'm 21 and he's 25 we just got back in contact (on my behalf) nd since talking to him I have had my son who's now 18 months .I really love him and I'm more mature now and I'm finally ready to meet him and he is for me but urgh I still haven't told him about the pictures and I really do but I just don't know when is the right time to tell him since we JUST started talking.

I am going to take a student exchange program in amsterdam where its close to where he stays and we have made plans for me to stay with him while I'm there.

We have so much fun together and I absolutely love him nd I would do anything for him and he feels the same way and I would be absolutely depressed if he stopped talking to me.

When should I tell him? Do you think he would still like me after I tell him the truth? What should I do?

Ps I told him about my son yesterday and he was utterly surprised but nevertheless he still loves me so is that a sign?

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A male reader, liedTo France +, writes (24 August 2012):

I had online friends. Dear ones, I cherished them.

The first one died, the second one as well and after a while the third one went missing for some personal reasons.

I mourned them, recently I noticed things that makes me think they lied to be about everything.....

I'd give an arm to know the truth.

Tell him, he won't be agree but he deserves the truth

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A female reader, gcruz United States +, writes (12 February 2010):

gcruz is verified as being by the original poster of the question

gcruz agony auntOk you put the nail right on the head for me!but you know the reason why I didn't tell him earlier bc it was always off and on like every other month or even less

But with you guys help I got enuff guts to tell him I will update u guys soon on what happened

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2010):

Okay your situation is a lot like mine. i'm from the U.S, i have a friend in Holland who i'm going to see in june of this year. I've known him for about 6 years now and its high time we finally meet. Only difference is i didn't lie to him about my appearance. We talk via skype, messenger, and sometimes the phone. Relationships built on lies never work out. And even though this isn't really a relationship yet since you haven't met him it's still pretty bad that you've been lying for all these years. Before taking that exchange program and making the huge decision to move there you need to first come clean and tell him the truth asap. Tell him why you lied, explain to him that you were young and before it was all just a fantasy and you never thought you'd really fall for him. He might understand but be prepared for the worst. It might not work out. Chances are he'll be very upset and hurt that you deceived him but you can't go on with the lies. At the end of the day life goes on. Take this as a learning experience and never make the same mistake again.

Goodluck:)

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A female reader, gcruz United States +, writes (11 February 2010):

gcruz is verified as being by the original poster of the question

gcruz agony auntNo that's the thing we are total opposites I have no choice *tear

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A female reader, fishdish United States +, writes (11 February 2010):

fishdish agony auntdo you look anything like this other girl? maybe you can just send him an 'updated' (ie real) picture of you- people can look different after 5 years and after a baby...

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A female reader, gcruz United States +, writes (10 February 2010):

gcruz is verified as being by the original poster of the question

gcruz agony auntomg I know it bothers me alot just to talk to him about the future and to think about it as well because its under false pretenses you. I feel absolutely horrible!! And I wanna tell him soon as possible its just I have to grow the courage to do so because right now I am so scared.

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A male reader, goodguy11 United States +, writes (10 February 2010):

I think you should tell him as soon as you can. Because eventually he will find out. The sooner the better so he can collect his thoughts about the situation. Not sure he might be hurt because of this mistrust but its another reason why you should tell him so he can recover by the time you get to Amsterdam. Don't throw him a curveball days before seeing him because he will feel awkward knowing the person he thought he was talking is someone else. Just be honest and let him know that you made a mistake because you were young and didn't think anything could happen. The truth shall set you free.

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