A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i have just found out my husband is texting another woman, i have had my suspicions for a few months now, it came to a head the other night, he tells me she is a customer who keeps asking him about gardening as she has just started it up, and he is a gardener and property maintainance man, he assures me nothing is going on, but im so upset and confused, why all the secrecy?he isnt coming home late or taking extra time over his appearence etc,he only goes out 1 evening a week with his friend, and he is filthy when he gets home from work. he just guards his fone with his life now!!i have been with him for 20yrs and never had reason to suspect him before, am i over-reacting?he would go mad if it were me texting a bloke he didnt know.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2007): If you found out the truth, you would still be in this dilema. What you have to do is either stay and put up with him cos you think you love him or you walk away and make a fresh start. Believe me it can be done, its hard at first but when you get over it and begin a new life with friends and new friends, you will wonder why you didnt do it years before. I was married for 26 years and finally had the courage to walk away. I cried and even wished i was dead at times, but its the grieving process that you have to deal with but you will survive cos you are better than him morally and emotionally. No matter what advice we all give you, you have to ask yourself, Do i love him enough to keep putting up with this or I have had enough. You are scared of bring on you own and thats understandable. But its your life he his making miserable, do the same to him, go get a job with men and get them texting you, a barmaid night be a good place to start in his local is best, flirt with all his mates...made me laugh when i did it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2007): I too had this problem, I finally got my hubby to hand over the phone, but he had deleted her messages and call history, i deleted her phone number, but he gets it again when she texts or rings. Now i have told him he cant have any contact with her and changed his sim card so he has a new number he has become a nasty piece of work and says he is now depressed. I told him if he wants other women even if its only to talk too he must leavve the family home, cos I am sick of him making me feel worthless and sick of the lying and secrets. You must now decide what you are going to do, before it destoys you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2007): hi thanks for all your input, but checking his phone is no good when he deletes all msgs and his call register, all ive got is his word!!so ive gotta trust him and wot he tells me or??20yrs is a long time time and i cant just throw it away can i??
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (6 March 2007):
 Truthfully, I think if he isn't playing away then he is creating the oppotunity for it to happen.
Two things you can do here to get to the bottom of it. As Sandy Pop says, put the boot on the other foot. Tell him that you wouldn't be allowed to behave like this, so why should he?
Secondly tell him that you want to see his phone, make him hand it over and read his texts, don't do it behind his back. Just confront him. Be prepared for it to backfire though, because the chances are he is already up to no good or at least thinking that way.
PS Eddie, it is in england, spring is practically here and people are already planting stuff....x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): Your last sentence should be given to him, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF I HAD A BLOKE TEXTING ME? Ask him! You say he guards his phone. I wouldn't be happy with that after 20 months never mind 20 years! Have a chat with him and let him know exactly how you feel. If the boot was on the other foot he wouldn't be too chuffed. Have a good chat with him and don't hang back on the words. It is your life too.
Take care
xx
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (6 March 2007):
 IS she getting ready to plant her February/March flowers? That's an early gardening season. When does she call, how often? Do they see eachother in private?
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