A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I've been known my "boyfriend" (we're not official, at least he hasn't communicated that to me, but we act as if we are) since December of last year and finally met in person for the first time this June since COVID-19 sent me back home as I go to college far away. In June, he ended up staying in my apartment with me for a couple weeks that I ended up renting near my school. He grew up where I go to college but he goes to school nearly five hour away but was visiting. We ended up having a lot of fun and our personalities matched really well. He ended up going back to his college town, however, since he was having problems with his family and wanted to get away from it.Fast forward a month to now, I'm visiting him at his school. Even though we haven't seen each other for over a month, he gave me half a hug when I arrived. The places we've gone to since I've been here, he's always walking three or so steps ahead of me. We've only kissed three times in the five days that I've been here and hasn't hugged me other than to roughhouse me. He's always been a total goofball, but one thing that upset me in particular was him grabbing my neck calling me a 'dirty little sl*t". I know he was joking, which makes no excuse for how inappropriate that was to say. My biggest issue with that, however, is the respect. I feel as if he truly respected/cared for me he wouldn't say those things or be so rough. Another thing is he'll put on a movie and be on his phone the whole time, so I've gone to the bedroom because I just get so frustrated. He'll usually remain on the couch on his phone for another 2-3 hours before coming to bed.I'm just at a very confused position right now because whenever we talk on the phone, nothing has changed, yet in person, he just seems to care less, yet still calls me baby, but just seems less affectionate/caring. I know this is something I need to communicate with him, but I'm just looking to get some insight first. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (8 July 2020):
 Sweetheart, have you ever heard the saying "actions speak louder than words"? Calling you "babe" is easy. Backing up his words with actions is what counts and he has not made any attempt to do that. I assume you are having sex? Please please make sure you are using effective contraception because, if you fall pregnant, you are on your own. There is no way he will stand by you or even be a good father to the child.
He's spending time with you because nothing better is on offer at the moment. As soon as someone comes along who he prefers, he will dump you so fast you will get whiplash.
You KNOW he is no good for you. Your post is full of reasons why this is not a healthy or caring relationship. You can do better.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2020): He got rough, grabbed you by the neck, and called you a sl*t! Strike one!
He seems to be preoccupied with his phone; while distancing himself, and not being affectionate. Strike two!
He seems to be growing detached, and showing less enthusiasm over being together. Strike three!!!
He doesn't want a long-distance romance; and he's probably seeing other girls when you're not around.
Dump him!!! The neck-grabbing/slut-calling incident was more than enough!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2020): OP, you are completely deluding yourself, to believe that you two have acting exclusive since Dec, even though he never verbalized this to you! By internet or phone, from Dec til June, you only know what this dude wants you to know. You only met him in June, so is still a total stranger, to you! When he was staying with you, why did he have to go to his college town, to escape his family, because he was with you, at your apt, not with his family. The fact that he left you, to move 5hrs away, means that he did not have as much fun, as you had! Then you go to visit him and openly disrespects you, calling you a slut, by using his phone during your alone time, and by roughing you up, like you were a male friend, is a pitiful way to say that he loves you and missed you and is glad that you came! You should pack up and go home! He is too immature and thinks that he can take you for granted. He senses that you are desperate for a bf, and his treatment of you will only get worse! He is not going to commit to you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 July 2020):
 Sounds like he is over dating you. Sorry.
Someone who isn't happy to see you and spend time with you? Is someone who isn't that keen on you.
The "nick name" Dirty little slut" No way, shape, or form would I EVER be OK with that. And I would shut it down the FIRST time he used it. Would he want a "my tiny manwhore" or "little slutty himbo" as a nickname? I bet not.
I think you need to accept that it's kind of over. He is not the guy you want him to be or hoped he would be in person. He is immature, disrespectful, rude and well... BORING! Wish him well and end it. Cut all contact.
He probably doesn't SEE you as his GF, I think. You are more of a FWB. So what's the point?
Next time you go looking for a BF? Date someone who lives near you, that you can spend time with getting to know IN person.
Lastly... YOU are in charge of how others treat you. While you can't 100% control it, you CAN shut it down it someone is being disrespectful.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2020): What you are willing to put up with is up to you. But I would never bother with a guy who calls me a slut - whether it is supposed to be a joke or not. Nor who "roughhouses" me. If a guy does not talk to me and treat me with respect then it is end of.
There is no point to you talking to him about this. This is not the sort of thing that a person chooses to be or can change. The fact is that he does not respect women. You cannot chat and then that changes. Anymore than you can tell him that you want him to have green skin and hey presto as soon as the chat is over his skin turns green!
He is what he is. He would only make excuses and promises and then revert to who he is.
You decide if it is good enough for you or not, it is that simple. Would you prefer to be single and wait till you find a man who is more respectful or would you prefer to see this guy and be treated this way? Bear in mind that when a guy is disrespectful that tends to grow as he gets the feeling he has you where he wants you. He will gradually be more and more disrespectful towards you in bigger and worse ways, once he knows you are too weak to walk away.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2020): I’m sorry to say this OP, but it sounds like he isn’t all that Into you. He likes the attention and is using you to pass the time.
Ignore how he talks to you on the phone or internet - it’s easier to lie and say what you want to hear than it is face to face.
Concentrate on how he treats you when you are actually together. WAKE UP OP!!!
He sits on his phone all night and IGNORES you - that is just rude!
He grabs your neck and calls you names - what?! Unacceptable.
He hadent seen you in a month and all he gave you was a half-assed HUG?
And he barely kisses or touches you?
You have been seeing each other for 7 months and he hasn’t tried to make you his girlfriend?
This man is NOT into you. He is using you to pass the time and a place to stay away from his family. How do you not see this OP?
Talking to him is pointless. You cannot force someone to be Into you. He will tell lies to keep getting what he wants - and I feel you will believe him.
Ditch this man OP and find someone who does want to be with you. Do you not feel like you deserve better?
Talk to him all you want. I think you will anyway as you seem to be in denial, but believe me you are on your way to heartbreak
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A
male
reader, Justryingtohelp +, writes (8 July 2020):
You sound desperate to have a boyfriend. Any boyfriend no matter how immature and disrespectful. Even so far as calling him your boyfriend before you've even met. He's interested in having a phone/online buddy, not a girlfriend. Find yourself someone closer to home and more mature ic you want a proper boyfriend. Someone who will be proud to be seen with you instead of embarrassed. Someone who will want to spend time with you rather than on his phone or watching tv. Stop wasting time on this child.
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