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female
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anonymous
writes: HiiiiI am a twenty year old female and of East Indian origin. As you may or may not know my cultural background taboos issues like dating and having a boyfriend. Amidst my recent migration to Canada has led me to the world of internet chatting and IMing. Six months ago I met this guy online and we initiated conversations like any other strangers and a couple of weeks later he asks me to marry him. Yes a very big leap indeed. Not being allowed to date or without any prior experience with relationships I said yes and wanted to give it a try. He did indeed tell me that he was involved with another girl years ago but presently he was just friends with her since they had come to the conclusion that they didn’t complement each other. My long distance relationship with him has only offered me a few chances to see him a couple of times and right now it is in the phase of the two households talking about if we should get engaged or not. My problem right now is that a month a go I saw his ex’s profile on a friendster website and has suddenly triggered inside of me feelings of jealousy and insecurity. Since he did tell me a few weeks ago that she had emailed him saying that she had seen him at the movies and how good he had looked. He also told me that he does talk to her online but rarely and that too only on a friendly basis. Due to our ethnic background we do no have a chance of meeting in discreet without both our families’ presence. I am constantly bothered with thoughts such as if he still has feelings for her and with my insecure feeling about this long distance relationship. Please help me!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2006): Right to be cautious but seeing him more often will not prevent the ex getting into his heart.
He either has feelings for her or not. Nothing you can do about that, except be patient and supportive.
You need to trust him if he says all it on a friendly basis, but be honest with him about how all this makes you feel.
He should also consider your feelings. Perhaps if he was in your shoes, he would not be so understanding?
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