A
female
age
41-50,
*abs
writes:Dear agony aunt! we have been married for 9 years.mine was an arranged marriage.we later had 2 kids,one boy,3 years and one girl,5 years.I am 33 years old and my husband 34.My husband is a good human being.he is always concentrating in my family and taking care of my kids.He is a good father,and good husband...even today. I had been to delivery to India.i stayed in India for 1 year or 8 months for each delivery.i was away from my husband at that time.i stay in Dubai.My husband had send me to India for delivery ,so that there are many nannys to take care.This was the only period i was away from my husband. i stay in a apartment flats.once a watch man of building came and told me that ,a women in burkha came to my flat once or twice,whenever i went to India for delivery,when i was in India.i was so shocked to hear this.i cried literally and asked my husband.later after much forcing ,he told ,it was a prostitute.And also confessed,he did not touch her,coz he became afraid and send her back immediately and gave money to her.My husband confessed,he dint do any thing wrong in life.somebody also told me,that they saw some lady in my husbands car also.,when i was not in Dubai. From that day onwards.........my life has changed,i started suspecting my husband.its not that kind of relationship.We had many fights ,when ever i took this matter out.he started beating me.he daid ,he dint do any wrong in life.i am not able to sleep with him with clarity since then.the issue does not go out of my mind. what shall i do.........plzz help me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (18 February 2010):
In that case, next time he starts getting violent, tell him you are phoning your father and you are telling him everything even if you won't. Actually pick up the phone and start dialing. Or tell him you will phone his boss at work. You really have to stand up for yourself. My ex was living with me in one of my parents' homes (they live in one of their other properties) when he cheated on me... I was hurt by his disrespect for all they had done for us by mistreating me.
Anyway, try seek help like I said before. You will be surprised that you are not alone at all.
A
female
reader, nabs +, writes (18 February 2010):
nabs is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondear agony aunt!regards
Before i write something,i also want to include,that my husband and his family, married me, on the basis that my father will get him very big job on recommendation.He is still doing this job,which my father had helped him.
And had got promotions due his own hard work.At the time of marraige ,he and his family ,was poor,and our family was rich.But now my husbands position,has got very strong in his company.he is now manager,with his effort.Its like ,he has gone long ahead of me.AND I AM VERY HAPPY AND PROUD OF HIM,EVEN TODAY.
i stay lonely with my children,bringing them up,till he comes back from office.My self,even i am commerce garduate.
well sorry guys,this is rest of my story.my dad survived 2 heart attacks recently,2 years back,.and that is tha reason,i dont complain him anything.My mom is not in this world.
And about my husband,we started our life with zero,and now,we are in high position.as far as houehold duties are concerened,he does it very well,does not burden me.he brings groceries.he comes with me for shopping and involved withc hildren very much.he takes care of me also very much,even on bed ,i am satisfied.He takes care of my father very much and respects him.
so guys,the other women issue is only bothering me.we have had most of our fights only for this.
i am married for 9 years,this story started 2 yaers ago only.So soemtimes ,i feel to keep quiet for some time,and fix my future first,and improve in my career.
And lasttly,Thanks everyone for morally supporting me.And writing such strong words,which really makes ur eyes open.In india v r constantly taught to commit and commit.Only bcouz our parents respect in societty is more than any thing.And taht they spend more money on us to get us married.And men like these take advantage.I will for sure try to fix my future and my kids.
Thanks once again for advising,if u feel ,u can futher advise me ,hearing my rest of my story,i will wait for ur advice eagerly.plzzzzzz help,with ur experiences in life.bye.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): If he is beating you, you need to get away from him. He has no right to touch you like that!
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A
female
reader, LibertarianLou  +, writes (16 February 2010):
He shouldn't beat you. And I don't agree with any of the people saying "get tough with him". Get RID of him. It doesn't matter what he says. If a guy beats you once, he WILL do it again. He might wait six months, or two years, or five years. But you will NEVER be sure you're safe, and perhaps worse, you'll never be sure your children are safe. Whether he hits them, or they see him hit you, it is just totally, totally unacceptable.
Leave, stay with family, a friend, go to a battered wives shelter, a colleague, anything. Take your kids, when he's out at work one day, and go. Then tell the police. He has broken the law.
Good luck honey. You do NOT deserve any of this - and neither do your kids.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2010): I know in India,wife beating is that hush hush topic.Most of the husbands indulge in it.Some change after they realize that the wife gives an ultimatum,"Stop beating or else I leave".Sis you need COURAGE.No one,even a bully respects a woman who is a doormat.Even a bully starts respecting a woman who says,"I am not going to put up with this,clean up your act or else I leave" The first thing you need to correct is his beating you.Its just not right.He might be your husband but he has no rights to beat you.Where was it written in the vedas you recited during your marriage ceremony?Didn't he promise to protect you with his life? Isn't prostitution in Dubai punished severely?am just asking.I don't know about the laws in Dubai.Either you trust someone or you don't.Trusting someone is a much bigger compliment than loving someone.If you can't trust your husband that's that.He is a wifebeater,he has got prostitutes in your own home.. what are you waiting for? Dry up your tears.No more crying.Become strong for your two kids.Frankly I wouldn't trust your husband if I were in your shoes.You might end up with AIDS if you continue living with a guy who brings prostitutes home.I don't believe the story he sent them back without doing anything.Sorry it seems too far fetched to me.Life is too short to be spent unhappily.Wake up.Tomorrow is a new day.If he promises he will never neat you again or will never bring prostitutes again,you can give him a chance.But only after he agrees to AIDS tests and STD(Sexually transmitted diseases).One chance for such guys is too many. Call your mom and dad.Arranged marriage right?They are entirely responsible for your plight.Let them talk bravely to him.Be courageous.Tears weaken you.Don't cry.He feeds on your tears.That's what a bully does.take care.
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A
female
reader, Angzw +, writes (16 February 2010):
Honey, I'm sorry but its obvious he slept with her. He is pulling the whole "never admit" thing that some men do. He will never come out with the truth. I know its very hard being in a foreign country without any other person to support you. My advice is that you try and talk to his family, maybe an uncle or brother he respects or maybe his mother if you have a good relationship with her. However, he is going too far by hitting you and I would advise you to try and seek advice with the domestic violence helplines in Dubai. Many people will tell you to go to the police and so forth but I know how difficult that is in patriarchal countries and families; so going through a domestic violence charity means you will have an advocate who knows which police department to deal with if you want to report him; she would also talk to you and advise you. Going to the police on your own is often difficult as you can be passed from person to person until you give up. But you need to do something that will make him scared he might lose his job and be deported. Tell him next time he hits you you are going to phone his manager at work or something to tell them about his beatings and his prostitutes. I really feel for you because when I was in the US delivering my baby, my ex had an affair too. So I hear your pain. I encourage you to start doing something to further your education and career for something to fall back on. In future he might decide to send you away or something, he can't be trusted. So do something to fix your future so that you can prepare yourself in case he dumps you or sends you back to India to live with his family. All the best.
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